Nursury Furniture for Plus Size Moms

A reader on Tumblr asked what glider or rocking chair I would recommend for plus size mommas, since I am one myself...

I was on a mission to find the perfect glider suitable for plus size preggos…The glider we originally registered for was not only obscenely expensive, but did not have the highest of weight capacities. The last thing we wanted was to spend $400 on a chair that we could expect to fall apart on us because it wasn’t meant to hold me in the first place…
 
After checking countless forums, manufacturers websites and reviews online (not to mention comparison shopping at different websites to get the best deal), I was able to find this:

It costs $200 retail INCLUDING the ottoman, is the exact material and color of all our other furniture, and holds up to 300 pounds.

I had it for almost 2 entire years before we got rid of it. It held up very well, even with daily use! It was super comfortable and a life saver when it came to overnight nursings. I never used the ottoman much, to be honest, just because it feels weird to me to rock back and forth with my feet up, but otherwise I'm very happy with our purchase of this glider!

I'd love to hear about any other suggestions for plus size friendly furniture or baby gear. Let me know if there's something you can't live without as a plus sized momma!

Fundraiser!

My incredibly generous friend Felicia (she has also written posts for MommaFriendly before) put together a fundraiser for Bu's lab work and treatments. She sells Jewelry In Candles, which is just what it sounds like! You buy an awesome candle, and inside it, you'll find a ring (sized to you!), earrings or necklace. A gift in a gift!

The proceeds are going to Bu's medical bills, I hope you will all share and check out her products! Please click THIS LINK for the event, and make sure you like Felicia's business page, Jewelry In Candles with MrsTrum​.

As always, you can follow our autism journey at our blog or our Facebook page.

Thanks!!!

My Mission to Breastfeed.

Originally dated May 24, 2012. I am sharing this for any mother struggling to nurse their baby, know that you are not alone.


From the moment I realized I was pregnant, I knew I wanted to exclusively breastfeed my baby until his or her first birthday. It wasn't because I was exclusively breastfed (in fact, I don't personally know anyone that was) but because it's what's best for the baby and I want what's best.

 As much as I read up on natural birthing and laboring, I didn't focus as much attention on researching what happens after the birth. As a result, I had to rely on advice from a hospital system that pushes formula, and the women in my family, none of whom breastfed their children past 3 months of age. The baby was given formula against my express, written wishes while we were in the hospital because I had to have an emergency c-section after 46 hours in labor and he had to eat before I was awake. I requested that the baby be brought to me when he needed to eat after that. I nursed him at the hospital and was taught about proper latch, etc. but I was also given formula bottles and told that because of my difficult labor and the baby being on antibiotics (a whole other story), that I should monitor how much he eats, which I obviously couldn't do if I was just nursing.

When we got home and for the next couple of months, I would nurse the baby constantly. Literally. I felt like he was always hungry, so I must be doing something wrong. He gave me a hard time latching for a while because he would come at me so voraciously and impatiently (we called it "snarf face" because he looked like he was going to "snarf snarf snarf" once he got to the boob) that I had to convince him to slow down enough to properly get on. I am impatient by nature, and I think this latch business was the beginning of parenting changing me into a more gracious person ;) I was also so overwhelmed with being the only person feeding the baby, on top of recovering from infection after infection from the c-section and piles of antibiotics, that I started handing him over to whoever was around to give him a bottle of formula after only a few minutes at a time of nursing. I really just felt then like I couldn't cope with everything I was going through, and I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that it would eventually get much easier.

By the time Bu was 2 months old, I was coming out of my fog and realizing that I could possibly do this mothering thing on my own. I was finally healthy and able to establish a routine. I tried exclusively breastfeeding for a long time. I would even set my alarm for 2 am every single day, regardless of whether the baby would wake up for a feeding, so I could pump and build up my supply. Whenever I'd exclusively breastfeed for any length of time, the baby would lose weight. I simply was not making enough milk. In hindsight, and now especially as I'm writing this, I'm sure everything from the method of delivery leading up to his second month had A LOT, if not everything, to do with my under-supply.

Since the baby was born, I've had cocktails of fenugreek tablets, organic mothers milk tea, and of course my prenatal vitamins every. single. day. I eat oatmeal, stay away from parsley....basically anything I can to pump my supply up, but nothing really does too much. In April, I got really sick and had bronchitis for 3 weeks, on top of severe ear infections. I was on several antibiotics, which heavily impacted my supply. We also took the baby to the doctor around that same time, and we were told that while he's in the 98% for height, he was in the 5-10% for weight. Granted, he's being compared to exclusively formula-fed babies, but regardless, he was starting to look sickly. The doctor insisted we supplement his diet because I just was not producing enough for him to thrive.

That was the last straw. With my supply already dwindling from the illness and antibiotics, the baby got very accustomed to bottles and the instant gratification that came with ounces at a time at his disposal. He started napping without needing to nurse too, which was always his routine. Even when the baby was losing weight, I was able to pump about 3-5 oz total in a 10 minute pumping session. Now, I can get an ounce out of the left side, if I'm lucky, and barely an 1/8 of an oz out of my right in the same time frame. I'm continuing to pump daily, but it takes me a week of daily pumping to get the 4 oz I used to get out of one session.

I continue to pump and freeze so even if I stop producing completely, I can still give the baby breast milk for as long as possible. As it is now, he only nurses once, maybe twice a day, and more for comfort than sustenance. I used to cry at the very notion of not having that breastfeeding relationship with my son. I literally spent hours everyday researching and looking at feeding logs and my own food journals to see if anything I ate was affecting my supply, etc. My life was about breastfeeding.

Now, it's sinking in that the relationship is nearing its end. All I can do is try to forgive myself for not completing my goal of a year, and know that when I have a second child, I will be armed with the knowledge that I didn't have with my first so that hopefully, I can do just as well, if not better, for him or her. I had a lot in my way, and I have to be proud of all I persevered in order to make it this far. My son is happy, thriving, and we have an incredible bond and relationship. These are the things I have to focus on. I will continue to nurse my Bu as long as he'll allow, and I will no doubt mourn and cry the day he decides he's done. But I am proud to nurse as long as I am able to, and I would go through all of it all over again for this little man.

Our "Autism at Disney" Experience

We recently went to Disney World for the first time since Bu was officially diagnosed…and certainly for the first time since we've gotten to know about Bu's specific needs! Here is some information about the accommodations we were able to receive, and ways we helped Bu enjoy his trip.

Here's some stuff you should know to clarify what's said in the video:

1) Bu is 3 years old, he's on the GFCFSF diet, and he's on the autism spectrum. He doesn't speak (yet), is very sensory seeking (except for touch/tactile), and has hypotonia, which is low muscle tone. He is getting better with all of these things, but he cannot stand or walk for very long without getting fatigued, so he is carried or strolled more than a typical kid his age.

2) Bu gets his supplements several times a day in his "juice", which is typically a homemade, organic fruit-and-veggie puree mixed with water. This is why I personally bring organic baby food pouches or jars/tubs with us to the parks.

3) I took the supplements in "pill organizers" to the park, which was then put in my backpack. If we'd have stayed longer, I might have taken our refrigerated supplements with us and kept them at the hotel. When they would have NEEDED to come with us (such as, after checkout on the last day), I would have taken a separate lunchbox and filled it with ice at the hotel to keep it cool. I also would have added more ice at the parks (asking for free cups of water with lots of ice at any counter service restaurant!).

4) Bu is VERY picky about his chips, which is why I made a point to bring a big bag for each day into the park. At Animal Kingdom (I didn't notice at any other park), they had a booth that sold gluten free and vegan foods, which would have been great for Bu provided I also found a soy-free choice…but a SMALL bag of chips (which wasn't the kind Bu even likes) was SEVEN DOLLARS. Crazy.

Please comment or email me with any questions and I can either answer based on my experience, or I can find out for you. We have annual passes so if there's something in particular that can only be answered at the parks, let me know and I'll do my best to ask or find out next time we go!

Autism, ABA and Gentle Parenting

The first of (hopefully weekly) progress videos for Bu...

I probably won't be posting the weekly videos here unless they deal specifically with a parenting issue, so if you'd like to follow these updates, please join the All For Bu facebook page or subscribe to my YouTube channel.

This vlog is about how ABA (behavior therapy) conflicts with my gentle parenting instincts and how I'm struggling with that...I'd love some input from like-minded parents!



If you can't see the video posted above, you can watch it HERE on YouTube.

Also, if you aren't already, please follow @MommaFriendly on Instagram, where I'm posting about guest post contributions and other random daily tips and funnies as related to pregnancy and parenting.

Autism Vlog - Goals for July through December 2014

Just a little personal update on my son's diagnosis and what it means for the next 6 months of our lives ;)

I'd love to hear from any other parents in a similar position, or even ABA/OT/Speech professionals. Any and all advice is appreciated!



If you're having a hard time seeing the video above, you can click here to see it on YouTube.

Special Needs Homeschooling?

A question regarding special needs homeschooling...

I'm a SAHM of one. We always planned to homeschool even before ASD was in our vernacular...I'm even more passionate about it now because I believe one-on-one teaching is the most effective way to make sure a special child gets exactly what he needs academically, at his own pace.

My 2 year old son is currently receiving therapies through his local Early Intervention office. I have a meeting tomorrow with the school district rep because soon he'll turn 3 and he'll be getting therapies from the school district instead of Early Steps.

Can anyone tell me what my options are as far as homeschooling AND getting therapy from the public school district? I may not be opposed to a half day program a few times a week for socialization, but frankly, I'm terrified of how inept most people in my city are in general, so trusting my special needs child to a stranger that will most certainly not have the patience or understanding of him that I do scares me.

They want to push me into enrolling him in school, and I don't want him to miss out on something that could potentially benefit him, so I'm trying to keep an open mind. At the same time, I don't want to be bullied or feel like I have no choice.

So, anyone else homeschool their special needs child and still receive services/therapies from their public school district? How does that work? Any advice for things I should ask at the meeting or anything I should insist upon?

Thank you in advance, I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

At Home Therapy?

Firstly, a huge thank you to everyone that has contributed in any way to the #AllForBu campaign, and a special shoutout to Jose Marti School in Little Havana, Miami, FL for their outstanding support.

We're setting up a therapy room/learning space in our home for Bu, and we're hoping for any advice or suggestions we can get from other parents or even from professionals that have experience working with special needs kids or kids on the spectrum.

If you can't see the video above, you can watch it directly on YouTube here.




Click here to contribute!
Click here for progress updates!

My First Kombucha Brew

As part of #TotalDetox2014, one of my goals this year was to successfully brew my own kombucha.

Why kombucha? What is kombucha?

Kombucha tea is made by fermenting sweetened black tea with a flat, pancake-like culture of yeasts and bacteria called the "Kombucha mushroom" or SCOBY (symbiotic colony of bacteria and yeast). It is not actually a mushroom, but is called one because of the shape and color of the sac that forms on top of the tea after it ferments. The result is a tangy, usually fizzy drink that has numerous health benefits. 

One of kombucha’s greatest health benefits is its ability to detox the body. It is rich in many of the enzymes and bacterial acids your body produces and/or uses to detox your system, thus reducing your pancreatic load and easing the burden on your liver. Because it’s naturally fermented with a living colony of bacteria and yeast, kombucha is a probiotic beverage. This has a myriad of benefits such as improved digestion, fighting candida (harmful yeast) overgrowth, mental clarity, and mood stability. It also has antioxidants that support energy and mood.

Truth be told, I was incredibly intimidated to begin this process. Aspects of it are pretty gross until you wrap your brain around them, and then there's the whole "purposely ingesting bacteria" thing...

This whole process took a little over a month from beginning to end...I started growing my SCOBY from store-bought kombucha on April 14, 2014, and finished recording this video on May 21, with the first batch fully ready to drink and a second batch almost ready for bottling and flavoring!

If the video above doesn't work, you can view the video directly on YouTube here.

Hope you enjoy watching the process, and forgive the shaky camera, ridiculous family moments and sometimes not-family-friendly language ;)


Sources: 1, 2

I can’t believe some people are DEFENDING this.

Fifteen out of 105 of ob-gyns the Sentinel surveyed have set weight limits for patients, which usually start around 200 pounds or are based on BMI levels.

Most of the doctors said that their equipment and examining tables couldn’t hold larger woman (which smells oddly like bullshit), but some said that obesity comes with more complications that the doctors would rather avoid.

“People don’t realize the risk we’re taking by taking care of these patients,” Dr. Albert Triana, who practices in South Miami, tells the paper. “There’s more risk of something going wrong and more risk of getting sued. Everything is more complicated with an obese patient in GYN surgeries and in [pregnancies].”

Unsurprisingly, many of the doctors who have enacted the weight cut-off also have a history of being sued for malpractice or cover high malpractice insurance premiums.

While doctors can not turn down patients based on race, gender, or sexual orientation they are free to turn away patients based on weight. Though not everyone agrees with the policy.

“This completely goes against the principles of being a doctor,” James Zervios, a spokesman for the Obesity Action Commission said to the paper. “Health care professionals are there to help individuals improve their quality of health, not stigmatize them according to their weight.”
Source: Miami New Times Blog


I weighed about 280 when I conceived. I am having absolutely NO complications. I’m expected to have a perfectly healthy pregnancy and birth. To have turned me away simply due to weight would be discrimination, plain and simple, because weight has nothing to do with health or possible complications. Not all thin people are healthy and not all fat people are lazy diseased slobs.

I argued this point on my facebook earlier. You know what I was met with? A MAN I don’t know defending the article saying, and I quote, “if you care so much about your baby, why are you not in the healthiest condition you could be?”

My response?

“ideally I would have weighed less when I conceived, but it was unplanned. Seeing as losing 150 pounds overnight by sheer will and love for my child is impossible, suggesting I don’t care about my baby by not being “at my healthiest” (which actually, I am in spite of me weight) is remarkably fucked up and ignorant. My two cents.”

I saw the article earlier and was already pissed off, so to see a couple of MEN argue that fat women don’t love their kids simply because they’re fat kind of REALLY set me off. WTF do men know about being a woman, about being pregnant, about losing or gaining weight as a woman (because men and woman metabolize differently, in case I needed to point that out)? Answer: NOTHING.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if the topic is over your head and is something you could never and will never understand, you will only sound ignorant and/or like an asshole by sharing your opinion. Not to mention that owning up to discrimination of any type isn’t exactly an attractive quality.

 I’ve always been considered overweight, obese, or even morbidly obese. I’ve NEVER had a problem with BP, cholesterol, etc whereas several of my thinner friends who don’t take care of themselves have had such problems. I’m not saying I’m the picture of health despite my weight, but I AM of the very strong opinion that simply LOOKING at me shouldn’t be enough to decide I’m not healthy. ssumptions are dangerous, regardless of what they’re based on. Turning someone away based simply on weight is no different then turning them away simply because they’re black, catholic, or gay. NONE of these things mean anything definitely about someone’s health, even if statistics might suggest differently. 

The point I am maki ng is that obesity in and of itself should NOT be reason enough to turn anyone away for treatment. And in this particular case, the insurance companies are applying pressure to doctors that based on their own histories of malpractice, are high-risk doctors, not necessarily because they deal with high-risk patients. 

 I’m willing to repeat my stance til my fingers fall off. Living an unhealthy lifestyle and being overweight are not synonymous. I haven’t had a problem with a doctor, thankyouverymuch but I don’t think anyone else in my position should.  


:EDIT: I juts want to add that just today, I went to the endocrinologist, a specialist that I am supposed to see every 6 weeks throughout my pregnancy simply due to my weight and nothing else…he looked over my blood work and was impressed with how good everything looked. “Beyond perfection!”, he said. He also told me he wished he could give me some suggestions or pointers, but, and I quote “You can’t argue with success!”

So there. 





NOTE: This post was originally dated May 17, 2011...this is the post from my pregnancy blog that lead to the NBC feature on Sizism in OB/GYN offices in Miami. I thought it'd be fun to post it here to show what my perspective on fat-shaming and being a plus size preggo was while I was actually pregnant ;)

Plus Size Preggo repost: "One Big RACKET"

On Thursday, we had several appointments…one of which was with a Gestational Diabetes specialist. My endocrinologist has been subjecting me to random glucose tolerance tests (BLECH!) and having me monitor my blood sugar pretty much since the beginning of the second trimester, simply due to the fact that I’m obese and the obstetrician insisted I be monitored closely since I’m “more likely” to develop GD. Throughout the pregnancy, my results have bounced from borderline pre-diabetes to completely normal and back, but never conclusively YOU HAVE GD.
 
One of the OBs in the practice (whom I really never liked because she has a really shitty attitude about everything) decided to give me yet ANOTHER glucose tolerance test because she didn’t believe I hadn’t developed GD (nice, right?)…so I went to the lab SHE wanted me to, took yet another test, and it came back positive for pre-diabetes (again, not full blown GD, just that I COULD develop it, which obviously we’ve known from the get-go). Well, based on that, she decided that rather than retest to see why that test came back high when none of the others had, she’d rather just send me to a diabetes specialist despite what my endocrinologist said.

So, I went…in the waiting room, I met a woman who DID have GD, and she told me she could tell just by looking at me that I was fine, and started pointing out all the physical manifestations of diabetes that she possessed that I clearly did not. I felt good about just letting whatever the specialist said roll off my back, until I got in there and she insisted that I was endangering my baby just by being me. At least, that’s what I took away from the conversation, since my blood work was perfect, so if I was endangering my child, it’s not due to my sugars.

I got REALLY pissed and kind of took it out on the lady, who kept trying to win me over after I went off on her, but I let her know not to bother, she’d lost any hope of me liking her and she should just say what she had to say. Long story short, I was given a booklet on diabetes management and given a VERY strict diet to go on immediately. I was given more testing supplies and told that I was to send her my blood work results once a week for the next 3 weeks to make sure my pre-diabetes could be controlled simply by diet and that insulin wasn’t necessary. I KNOW insulin isn’t necessary because I’M NOT SICK, so I decided to make the best of it….ok, a diet and testing 4 times a day…big whoop. I can stand to eat better and testing isn’t SUCH a drag…if it’ll shut these guys up in only 3 weeks, fine. I’ll play along.

THEN I got a call on Saturday from the specialists office, letting me know that I needed to meet with a nurse AT HOME, and have her give me more supplies, including ketostix (sounds like they’re doing more than monitoring my diet)…and SHOCKER! My insurance won’t pay for all of it, just 70%, so I need to pay $200 co-pay in order to be put on this program that I’m positive I don’t even need. If I thought for a SECOND that I was truly endangering my son, I absolutely would be on board, but since I’ve started the program, my blood sugar levels have been IDEAL. Not just good for a fat woman or good for a pregnant woman, but SIMPLY PERFECT. This is just one big racket to get the scared fat girl to pay for crap she doesn’t need and to squeeze more out of the insurance. How about I just buy some ketostix at Walgreens for $15 and we call it fair that I didn’t just send the whole pile of people involved to hell?

So yeah. The diet doesn’t SUCK (in fact, it’s a LOT of food), it just involves a LOT of planning because it’s not easy to count exchanges for pre-packaged food, so I’ve been eating nothing but home cooked food SIX times a day for the past 5 days, and will be for at least the next couple of weeks. The baby’s movements have been more subtle since I’ve started the diet, hubs thinks it might be because he’s not hopped up on fruit juice anymore LOL
End of rant.

Weird Pregnancy Behaviors...

the things no one talks about.

originally dated 2/25/11
Since I’ve been pregnant, I’ve been having thoughts and urges that scare even me.

Namely, the urge to lick things.

I’ll wait for you to laugh. I find it hilarious, myself.

I’ve asked my mom if she ever had a similar urge, and she only giggled. I’ve googled it and found nothing. Even my husband can only smirk when I get a certain look on my face because he knows I’m actively holding myself back from licking something in my vicinity.

Now before you get any ideas, I only have had urges to lick food, and stranger still, the television when there’s an image on food on it. I haven’t ACTUALLY licked the TV (yet LOL), but this anxious NEED to lick the screen comes over me whenever something tasty appears! LMAO

My theory is that I’m having too many cravings to actually fit all these foods in my tummy at once, and lately I can only eat about half what I used to, but get hungrier much more often…so I guess maybe I want to lick things just so I can taste them without actually ingesting them? IDK…it’s the only thing that makes sense to me. Also, I’ve much more aware of textures in my food lately, so maybe I get the urge to lick things because I’m not interested in chewing them…(?) Any ideas/theories would be appreciated (and probably laughed at).

I’ve heard of women eating chalk and dirt while they’re pregnant, so me wanting to lick a chicken wing or a tamal isn’t THAT strange…is it? ;)

This was something I wrote on my blog back when I was about 7 weeks pregnant with my son. Have you experienced weird or unexpected inclinations during your pregnancies? I'd love to hear from other mommas so I know I'm not the only weirdo! hahaha ;)

Walk Now for Autism Speaks...

This past weekend, we went to the Autism Walk in Miami. As I said previously, I don't support the organization monetarily, but I did appreciate that there would be many parents in my same situation all in one spot. I was also looking forward to gathering information about different therapy centers and schools for Bu. Rather than participate in the walk, we walked around talking to professionals, signed petitions, and played in the "sensory tents".

In related news, we've been able to restart speech therapy, order supplements for the next month, and we've even been able to set up some occupational therapy at home to supplement what he should be getting at the center...all thanks to people like YOU donating directly to an autism family (US) instead of an organization. So once again, thank you for your continued support.

On a personal note, THANK YOU.

When I wrote what I did "coming out" as an autism family and why I don't support donating to Autism Speaks, I never expected the response I got and I certainly never expected people to want to donate directly to my son for his therapies, supplements, etc. I'm overwhelmed at the generosity of the people around me and blessed to find so much support. Thank you all!!!! 
 

In our house, Autism Awareness is all year 'round...

I wanted to take this opportunity, April being Autism Awareness Month and April 2nd being World Autism Awareness Day, to share something personal on the blog. As much as I post photos or stories online, I am fiercely private about my family life and I debated internally a LOT before finally deciding to put this out there.

The CDC recently reported that one in 68 children in America is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders. The numbers grow more and more every year. It is yet unknown what causes autism, or what can be done to treat or cure it. It's an absolute mystery in every way, and the unknown is a scary thing.

My son "Bu" is that one in 68.

He is nonverbal. He self-stimulates by flapping his hands and sometimes pokes his own eyes or slaps his belly to receive sensory input. He does not pretend-play at all and rarely even notices when other children are around him. He shuts his eyes when he's overwhelmed. He's only recently become more social with family members besides my husband and me, and his eye contact used to be nonexistent.

He was developing on track until about 15 months old, when he started walking. As soon as he picked up this skill, he started regressing. He stopped clapping and pointing. He stopped giving high-fives when asked. I've been told by medical professionals that this happens a lot, where the brain takes up so much energy coordinating gross motor functions when learning to walk, that the rest of the systems suffer. It's supposedly quite common, though I'd never heard of it.

We saw a neurologist in December that specializes in children on the spectrum. She told us based on her observation and questions asked that Bu wasn't 100% textbook ASD, but that we should seek treatment as though he is because all signs point that way. We were told he operates on a 9-month old level (he was 27 months old at the time) and that a formal diagnosis would be made in a year depending on how he responds to therapies.

It's been 3 months since that visit. He's been on a gluten/casein/soy free diet for 6 months. He's on various vitamins and supplements and I add new ones regularly as I learn about how they might help him. We are working with an occupational therapist, a speech therapist, and his developmental pediatrician. Our team is truly phenomenal, and I couldn't be happier to have people that care so much about Bu helping us. His eye contact and social expressions have grown remarkably. He's far more aware of his environment and the people in it. 

Most days, I'm of the mindset that I'm going to kick autism in the ass. I spend every spare moment reading, asking questions online, doing webinars (explains why I haven't been posting as much lately, huh?). I've made helping my son and making his life easier my full time job. Some days though, I'm overwhelmed with sadness. I don't know if my son will EVER tell me he loves me. I don't know if he'll ever be able to have friends, to have a relationship, to have a job...what will become of him when I'm gone? These are all very real things that could and will be his experience, and it hurts my heart. Life is challenging enough, without this on top of it...and no one wants to see their child in a tough spot. 

I love my son and everything about him. I actually think sometimes (on good days) how weird it'll be when he starts talking because his little grunts and giggles are so much a part of him. It's strange to love someone so much as they are, and at the same time wish things were so different. I find many autism parents wouldn't dare say something like that, but I'm keeping it real. I love my son and I love the person he is. I do not love that his life will be exponentially harder than that of his peers because of something he didn't choose.

This weekend, I'll be going to the local Autism Speaks walk. I will be going to try to meet other parents in my huge city that share my experience, and to gather resources in my community. I am NOT, however, donating to Autism Speaks. Here's why: I don't donate to any causes that have walks or events because guess what it takes to put on these events? Money. There's no way of knowing how much of your dollar goes to research truly. Worse yet, I've never heard of a family with children on the spectrum getting financial help from these organizations. Research is obviously important, but as a mother struggling to pay for therapies, vitamins, a special diet, etc...research is something that's out of my scope. I'm actually considering opening a SmartyPig or GoFundMe for Bu to ask people for donations for his therapists because thanks to his crap insurance, he hasn't been able to see his OT for almost 2 months. The struggle is real. Really real.

So, there you go. This is our life. I plan to be much more open about our daily life, our regimen/protocols, treatments and how they're going, etc. When I first started looking up information on autism, I was both overwhelmed by all the stuff out there, and disappointed at how little it helped. So hopefully, the things I write about our experience helps at least one family. 

What can you do? Easy. 

-Do not judge. You never know if that child at the store having a fit is really a brat, or if he's having a meltdown because the sound of someone's shopping cart is overwhelming. 

-Don't ask stupid questions. "Are you sure? He doesn't LOOK autistic" helps no one. 

-Be kind. A child might not be trying to give anyone a hard time, they might just be having a hard time. It gets frustrating to not be understood. 

-Don't assume. We're a chemical free home and we do not vaccinate. These things happened long before the idea of autism even entered our vernacular and has absolutely NOTHING to do with Jenny McCarthy, thanks. 

-Be patient. My son doesn't usually respond to verbal cues from unfamiliar people, and rarely makes eye contact with most people. He's not being rude, that's just how it is. Don't take it personally and don't insist.

-Donate your time or money to FAMILIES, not organizations. We need them more than they do. You'll make a much bigger difference. This includes things like just asking how we're doing with the intention to REALLY listen and let us vent.

-Be understanding. People with ASD are still people. Not less, just different. 

***EDITED TO ADD*** 

For those of you that have asked how you can donate to Bu directly (and thank you so much for offering to help, I'm totally overwhelmed by the response!!!) I started a GoFundMe for him. Please make sure you read the whole description!!! And thanks so much again for your love and support! You can read more about our autism journey at All For Bu

Fat Discrimination Firsthand

 Originally dated 03/25/2011

Yesterday I had the first half of an integrated screening…basically at 10-12 weeks, they do bloodwork and a sonogram to measure the baby’s neck, and they do it again at 16-18 weeks, and based on averages from all tests, they determine a risk for Downs Syndrome, Neural Tube Defects, etc.

Bloodwork is second nature at this point, so that bit of the test was unremarkable. The sonogram was another story. Up until now, because it was so early in the pregnancy, all the baby viewing had been transvaginal (sorry if that’s TMI lol it’s the truths of pregnancy)…this was the first tummy sonogram. The nurse was SUPER nice, explaining every step, telling me each thing she was measuring, even stopping so I could watch the baby leapfrog around in my uterus (which was SUPER COOL…I can’t wait til I can feel it!)… then she got quiet. Obviously I got worried that she went from being really chatty to totally silent, so I asked if something was wrong…she said she was going to get the doctor to speak to me. I FREAKED.

When the doctor came in, I recognized him right away. I’d dealt with him once before for a sonogram I had done for my ovarian cysts a couple years back…then he walked into the room, did the sonogram and left, never introducing himself. He didn’t introduce himself yesterday either, so let’s call him Dr. Asshole, or Dr. A for short, since I STILL don’t know who the FUCK he is.

Dr. A was extremely rough with that little wand and caused me more pain with it than I thought was possible without actually bludgeoning me with it. He kept muttering and complaining to himself, and my nerves were going a mile a minute. Suddenly he stops and basically yells at me “WHY ARE YOU SO WORRIED?! You know, if you weren’t so fat, you wouldn’t worry so much.”

WHA……?

"Your fatness is making my job very difficult. The baby is not cooperating, but I cannot make it move because you are so fat!"

Now, I know I’m fat. No one needs to remind me. I also get that this guy sees 100 pregnant women a week and might be a bit desensitized to how traumatizing any test having to do with your baby can be, but SERIOUSLY?! How dare he talk to me like that? I have NEVER felt more bullied in my life.

Then he says “I need your help. Move your fat out of the way so I can get to the baby”…Now I didn’t just feel bullied, I felt humiliated. He was making me feel like a horrible mother because of my…weight? I still can’t believe I didn’t deck him or yell at him, which would have been my normal reaction. Instead I internalized and worried so much about the baby that all I could do was take his abuse, which is just what it was. ABUSE. He wouldn’t have said such a thing to a thinner woman if her baby wasn’t cooperating.

He started violently shaking my stomach at this point with the wand, and I had to speak up. “Could you stop that?” I said…”You’re hurting me, and I’m afraid that might hurt the baby”

"Well, I wouldn’t have to do it if you weren’t so fat!"

:STUNNED:

He decided to have me lay on my side for a bit to give the baby time to move while he went to attend to something else. I LOST my shit crying as soon as he left and starting talking to the baby, asking him/her to PLEASE move for mommy, because I wanted to get us both away from this man as soon as possible. About 5 minutes later, Dr. A came back, and lo and behold, the baby was in perfect position.

All I could do when he announced we were done was stare at him angrily while tears rolled down my cheeks. Then the fucker has the AUDICITY to lecture me about how I shouldn’t worry so much because people who worry have a MENTAL DISABILITY where they “don’t think right” and I have to correct that if I want to be a good parent.

I honestly don’t know what kept me from beating him half to death right then. The desperation to leave that office was actually strongly than my desire to kill this man, if you can believe it.

So yeah. The things I have to deal with as a fat pregnant woman, not because I’m an awful parent, not because my health is causing my baby harm (it’s not, and I have all the tests to prove it) but because of a number on a scale.

And mark my words, if I ever even SEE that man again, I will absolutely lose my shit. What an absolute fucking bastard. As sensitive as pregnant women are, you’d think he’d try to be a little kinder, not throw ALL bedside manner out the window.

So thanks, Dr. Asshole, for turning such a beautiful and exciting moments into literally one of the worst experiences of my life.

Reposted from my personal blog, Plus Size Preggo, where I detailed my pregnancy with my only son.

Superfoods and Supplements - Protein Rich Superfoods

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What are some ways that you incorporate protein into your picky eater's diet? Please share your comments and suggestions below! The next video in the series will be up next week :)

Superfoods and Supplements - Probiotics

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Do you give your child probiotics? Have you experienced any benefits or even drawbacks? Please share your comments and suggestions below! The next video on protein-rich superfoods will be up next week :)

Superfoods and Supplements - Nutritional Yeast

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Please share your comments and suggestions in the comments! The next video on Probiotics will be up VERY soon! :)

My Birth Story

 I wrote this back in August 2012, so some stuff is out of date (like my son is obviously no longer 10 months old lol) but everything else still applies.


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On September 24, which was a Saturday, I woke up to pee for the 8,956th time overnight at about 4am, and noticed I was leaking a little bit. I had been leaking randomly, contracting randomly, etc for weeks (TMI, sorry) so I paid it no mind and went back to bed.

At about noon, we were getting ready to head out to my parents house because Hubs had promised my little brother a driving lesson, when I got a really sharp pain that seemed to envelope my entire abdomen. That wouldn't have been a big deal, since I was used to random evil pains at this point, except this pain lasted 30 minutes straight. I was crying by the time it was over. I decided we should stop in at the hospital before we went to my parents, if only so they could assure me I was having my 48th false alarm before we went on with our day.

Lo and behold, my water was broken. Well, not broken. "Ruptured". Trickling.

And I was dilated a whole 1/2 cm.

I was immediately super excited and terrified, though excited won out in spades. We called our parents, and of course EVERYONE came over right away.

I was admitted, and put on an external monitor. The pain was pretty bad, to the point that my dad had to get up and leave because he couldn't stand to see me like that. I was checked a couple of times, and I remember thinking I was going to die during the cervical checks. Literally. I was making my peace because I was certain the pain of those checks was going to throw me into shock and my heart was going to suddenly stop beating. The labor was nothing compared to those checks.

I wasn't progressing, so at about 7:30pm (having been in labor for over 15 hours at this point), the nurses inserted something called Cervadil in "there", after much resistance from me (I wanted ZERO intervention if at all possible, and EVERYTHING the nurses suggested was met with resistance, FYI). It was basically a piece of paper with hormones in it meant to help my cervix dilate (open) and efface (thin out) over 12 hours. I was told to get some rest (yeah right) because tomorrow, I would be able to start pushing and I needed to conserve as much strength and energy as possible.

When I woke up the next morning (I say "woke up" loosely, I didn't sleep much thanks to the damned blood pressure cuff trying to murder me every hour and the random nurses walking in and out of the room to adjust the monitor). I was checked again, and I was only 1cm dilated. 12 hours of Cervadil got me a whole 1/2cm. I was told that I had to get on Pitocin, regardless of my protests, because it had been over 24 hours since my labor started and I had to help the baby (ha!) in order to avoid a c-section, which is my absolute greatest fear. So in goes the Pitocin.

I tried to nap since I slept so crap the night before, but I was woken from my nap to a nurse half yelling at me that I needed an internal monitor because they lost the baby on the external. BEGIN PANIC. I was terrified not only of the monitor, but the fact that THEY were so panicked about the baby. The contraption was so painful and uncomfortable, imagine a huge long spatula IN YOU then laying on your thigh. That's
how big this thing was (Bu STILL has a scar on his head from the monitor, btw, and he's 10 months old now). They finished rupturing my bag of waters to put it in, and the party really got going.

I had more cervical checks. I have to say, now almost a year postpartum, I don't remember what the pain of the labor OR the checks felt like, but I remember the screaming. I remember hearing myself scream and being so delirious that I was sure it must have been someone else because I couldn't even scream like that. It's incredible the things the mind remembers (and forgets) in order to protect oneself.

At some point in the late morning/early afternoon of September 25, I had some sort of epiphany. I said to myself "you're scared, and you're letting the pain take you over. You need to take over the pain, or you'll never get through this. Do it for the baby." So I started breathing. Mind you, I never took a single labor class (maybe I should have), so I had no basis for what to do. I just did it. Every time I felt the wave about to hit me, I barged into it instead of fighting it. I spread my hands in front of me, requested that no one touch me, and I just breathed. I was deep in concentration, and I hadn't realized that the contractions had more than tripled in strength according to the monitor.

I started to really feel like I was kicking this labor's butt! I felt strong and powerful. 38 hours into the labor, I was checked again, and I was so thankful to hear that I was now 3cm dilated and completely effaced! It was working! It was slow going, but it was working! I was on the right track! And still no pain meds! I would meet my baby soon, and he would be alert and recognize his momma immediately and everything would be perfect. I asked the
nurses how much worse I could expect the contractions to get, and they told me that based on what they saw on the monitor, I was having transition-like strength contractions already. My body was ready for delivery with the exception of my cervix (a pretty important bit LOL) so I shouldn't feel much worse at all.

I felt a second wind come over me! It wouldn't get much worse than this, and I was making progress! I was Wonder Woman! I just kept breathing, with my husband, mother, and grandmother in awe that I was doing so well considering the wreck I'd been for so many hours prior. I got a new nurse (my 4th or 5th, I believe) who was schooled in natural deliveries and minimal interventions. I felt this was fate encouraging me and I knew I was doing better than anyone expected, so I was relieved and ready to fight.

At 44 hours, I had another cervical check. I hadn't moved one centimeter. Not even half a centimeter. In 6 HOURS. The 6 hours where I was feeling like this labor was my bitch. I felt so defeated. As if that wasn't bad enough, my doctor walked in (the doctor, by the way, was second to last on the list-of-doctors-I-hope-will-deliver-me because she always seemed so clueless and incompetent during my office visits with her. The only doctor UNDER her in the list was a fat-phobic asshole who was an absolute nightmare both as a person and a doctor) and let me know that she'd waited long enough and I needed to have a c-section. I threw up.

A nurse came in and tried to put me in different positions (I had labored sitting the whole time because I couldn't take being on my back), but I was already defeated. I felt like the hospital was just toying with me now, to teach me a lesson (I was delirious, ok?). I was already doomed to a c-section, what could I possibly do in the next hour
that I hadn't already done for over 40 that would allow me a vaginal birth?

I barfed again on the way to the operating room. All over my cute custom delivery gown. I remained in that gown for the delivery, FYI. So I was covered in barf when my son was born. Cute.

I was shaking and crying the whole way to the operating room, and telling literally EVERY SINGLE PERSON I came in contact with that I was "SO SCARED". Some people tried to reassure me, others ignored me because they had work to do (probably for the best), but I promise not ONE person in that operating room was spared an "I'm so scared! ::SOB::" and there are a LOT of people in an OR for a c-section. They gave me a spinal (so I ended up with an epidural anyway) and I immediately felt my toes go numb, which scared the hell out of me (even more). I realized I could not move my toes, and I started uncontrollably shaking. I'm talking have-to-be-held-down, violent shakes. My husband was allowed into the room and he sat next to me while they did their thing. I heard the baby cry, and the doctor say "It's a boy!".

My first thought? "I know."

Ugh, I was so out of my mind.

Then I saw him. And I cried. My husband turned to me and said "It's our little boy!"

And I vomited. On his bare foot. Never wear flip-flops into an OR, people.

I know looking back I was really lucky that I got that doctor because she was a bit of a pushover, and every time I argued that I wanted another hour, and another and another, to see if I could do this naturally, she allowed it until the last possible moment. If I had gotten either of the 2 doctors I was hoping for, I would have been on the operating table just hours after being admitted, not days. It can be argued that I ended up on the operating table anyway, but it was MY CHOICE to have such a long labor, and she allowed me that choice. I couldn't be more grateful to her for that.

And so, the absolute light of my life and reason for being came into this world 3 days after I entered the hospital, after 46 hours of unmedicated labor.  It's definitely a story, and an extraordinary experience. And believe it or not, I wouldn't have had it any other way.


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