Guest Post - "The Exact Birth I Wanted To Have"

Declan Lewis Durbin
April 17, 2014 
8:23 am
7lb 2oz
21 inches long

I woke up the morning of April 16th around 5:30 from contractions that I could no longer sleep through, so I got up and started timing them even though I had previously decided I wouldn't time my contractions. They were lasting about 20-30 seconds long and coming anywhere from 10-20 minutes apart. I told my best friends and my mom about them but told them not to get too excited in case it was a false alarm. I think around 3 hours later I texted my doula, Ashley, and let her know about the contractions, and she said don't get too excited, get some rest, and to let Sally, my midwife, know. Sally also said to get some rest.

Well I couldn't sleep, and I was hungry so Derek and I went to IHOP and ate. Then we went to Walmart to get some last minute supplies and food. The contractions were staying about the same. When we got home I tried to rest, but every time I would start to fall asleep I would have a contraction that would keep me up. This all continued throughout the day and into the evening. The contractions would get closer together and last about a minute, but then there would random ones that would only last around 20 seconds.

 I don't exactly remember when, maybe around 10pm, I told Sally the contractions were getting pretty painful, and I couldn't sleep anymore. She told me to take a bath and to try taking some Unisom to help me sleep. The bath felt amazing at first until my body got used to it, and right after I took the Unisom I threw up. Then I got back into bed hoping maybe the Unisom would work. Nope. At this point Derek was timing my contractions for me. I think they were coming around every 5-6 minutes and 45-60 seconds long. 

I'd say around midnight was when we called Ashley to come over. I remember already asking for some pain relief like Tylenol or something. When she got here, while Derek set up the birth pool, she did some techniques on me with the rebozo wrap for some pain relief and to try to get Declan in a better position I think. 

From then on it was a blurry mixture of laboring in so many different positions, groaning through contractions, being fed apples and water, and throwing up. I got in and out of the pool a few times. It would feel good at first, but once my body got used to it, it wasn't as comfortable. My favorite spot at first was sitting on the ball and leaning over the coffee table on some pillows. Then standing up started to feel better. The whole time Ashley and Jenn, my second doula, would push on my hips during the contractions. That felt so good. At one point Derek even filled in that position while one of them took a break. In between contractions they would give me back rubs, and those felt SO GOOD. Another thing that really helped was Ashley reminding me to do a low groan. It was much more effective than whining or screaming.

At my 36 week appointment I had tested positive for GBS, so I needed to receive antibiotics through an IV which I was not thrilled about. I remember not wanting Sally to arrive because that would mean I had to get a needle in me. Jenn promised that would be the least of my worries, and she was right. I would take 10 IVs over the pain of contractions!

When Sally and Shelly (her assistant) arrived around 3 or 4 in the morning they set up shop. Derek said they basically took over the living room. He was pretty impressed. I laid on the mattress we had set up in the living room while I got my IV antibiotics. It really was no big deal. After, I stayed there for a while. My blood pressure started to rise, so they were all rubbing an essential oil blend on my hands, wrists, and chest. They were miracle oils because my blood pressure was back down in no time!

At one point, Sally told me to let her know if I felt like I needed to push so she could check me to make sure I was fully dilated before I started pushing. I asked her to check me now because I wasn't sure I would know what it felt like to need to push. When she checked me I was almost fully dilated, just a little lip left. From that point until when I started pushing felt like eternity. 

“The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.”  

- Chinese Proverb

 I kept wondering what was taking so long since I was already fully dilated. Ashley said the baby was moving down, and with each contraction she kept saying “down baby down”. It's burned into my brain she said it so much ;) During this time was when it became very unbearable. I really felt as if I wasn't getting any breaks in between the contractions. I decided to get in the shower for some relief. I tried sitting. I tried standing. Nothing helped. It was just awful. I had a whole debate in my head about wanting to transfer to the hospital for them to just cut him out of me but not wanting to ride in a car for 45 minutes. I couldn't remember that this meant my baby was almost here!

My water broke finally during a contraction. It was, of course, on the only part of the living room carpet that wasn't covered in plastic. When the next contraction came, I could tell my body wanted to push so I got into the birth pool. I pushed on my hands and knees, and in between contractions they would push the gatorade (or water? I can't remember) bottle under my face so I could take a sip. It really did feel good to push. I liked being able to feel everything because I could tell when I was stretching too much and needed to stop to let his head form into a nice shape for me. After a lot of pushing and encouraging words and coaching from my birth team, I pushed his head out, and I knew that I just needed one more contraction to push the rest of his body out. That contraction came, and, after only 30 minutes of pushing, at 8:23am on April 17, 2014 Declan Lewis Durbin was born!  

When he came out the cord was wrapped around his neck and arm, but Derek said Sally just calmly and quickly “unwrapped him like a present” and pushed him through my legs so that I could lift him out of the water for him to take his first breath. It was such a relief! I just remember being so thankful the pain was gone and that my baby was here. Almost immediately he started babbling, telling us his story of what just happened!

After a minute or two they helped me out of the pool and onto the mattress where Derek cut the cord after it stopped pulsing. It was taking a little too long for my placenta to come out, so Sally had to gently tug on it while I pushed it out. Finally it came out nice and whole. After that, I laid back on the mattress wrapped in blankets with my perfect little baby boy, and ate a banana and a Reese's easter egg.

It wasn't until we all talked about it and reflected back on it that I realized I had the exact birth I wanted to have (which I heard doesn't happen that often). I couldn't have asked for anything better. I had the best and most supportive birth team ever. They treated me like a princess waiting on me hand and foot, and I couldn't be more grateful for them! Shelly told me she predicted that my birth would be smooth and powerful, and she was exactly right :)

 

 Danielle Durbin is a mother of one, her little man Declan Lewis. You can follow their story at Instagram @missusdurbin or you can read her blog here.

 

 

Guest Post: "How I Met My Littlest Valentine"

At 41 weeks and 1 day pregnant around 6:30pm on Thursday February 13 I changed positions on the sofa and felt some type of liquid come out of me. Assuming that I peed myself I headed into the bathroom but there wasn’t the smell of pee. I sat back down and went onto my online pregnancy support group asking if they thought it was pee or amniotic fluid. I called my doula and she said to call the midwife and figure out what to do. I put another pair of underwear on to see if I was still leaking and sure enough I was. I woke up Evan and said “My water broke. I think this is it. I think we’re having a baby today.” Evan shot right up and got out of bed in a total panic. He had to shower, his bag wasn’t totally packed, the house was a mess. I called the midwife and she said to head to the hospital. My plan was the birth center so I was a bit panicked. I was terrified of not laboring fast enough, being pumped with drugs, and getting forced into a cesarean. Evan kept telling me everything would be okay and we were probably just going to the hospital because the birth center had closed that day due to the snow and the parking lot was most likely not plowed. I called my Mom and told her I thought my water broke and I needed to go in to get the fluid tested. 

My parents came over as quickly as they could. Fitting the four of us, our bags, and my birth ball in my Dad’s truck was not an easy task. On top of that my mother thought I would be cold so she had the heat up. I was sweating my butt off and asked them to open the windows. There was some where between 6 to 12 inches of snow on the ground and it was still snowing when we were on the road.  We got to the hospital and I totally forgot how to get to the maternity ward so I waited in line at the front desk and got directions. We got checked in and Evan sat with me in a room waiting for someone to come in to check me. The woman who came in was very ill mannered and seemed annoyed that I had questions. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen because I didn’t have a hospital birth in my mind and I was confused about being Group B Strep positive and having my water break before labor. The woman told me I needed to be checked in and that it was amniotic fluid and we had to start an induction. Tears immediately began for the fear of needles, air bubbles in the line, medical interventions leading to cesarean. I felt so rushed from the doctor, nurses, the millions of questions my parents had, and the amount of emotions I was feeling on top of worrying about how Evan was. After arriving in the delivery room the nurses came in for the antibiotic IV and pitocin. My midwife was in the room and told the nurses that my veins are hard to find and they would need the IV team but the nurse was convinced she could do it herself. She couldn’t. It hurt quite a bit while she wiggled the needle around in my arm trying to figure out where it needed to go. She finally gave up and called the IV team. Another nurse catalogued my belongings and asked if all my jewelry could be easily removed in case there was a cause for a cesarean. That made my mind race even more than it already was. During all this time I was crying and trying to remember to stay calm and breathe. After being hooked up to everything the midwife checked me for dilation and I was about one and a half centimeters. 

Once everything settled I called my doula who was upset that she wasn’t able to be there from the very beginning of everything. She arrived sometime around midnight and told me what to expect. She suggested I try to get some sleep but since Evan works nights I was sort of on his schedule and he was wide awake. We watched Mob Wives and Couples Therapy and then the local news. Evan and my doula eventually fell asleep and I tried to sleep as well. I was hooked up to a blood pressure cuff that had to go off every 15 minutes. Because I’m fat I need an adult thigh cuff for an accurate reading. I was constantly woken up from the machine going off on top of the fact that the cuff didn’t fit and made my arm twitch and go numb. A nurse periodically came in because the readings were off and I tried to explain what size cuff I needed. The nurse told me that size didn’t exist and moved the cuff to my forearm which didn’t really make a difference. I’m not sure how much sleep I got but I did sleep a little bit. 

On Friday February 14 we woke up sometime around 7:00am. At 9:00am I was checked and was 4 centimeters dilated. Evan left to get breakfast while I was with my doula. I sat on a birth ball bouncing up and down waiting for a nurse to come in so I could get on wireless monitoring. After being on wireless monitoring I was able to walk around the room, sit in different positions on the bed, lean against the wall, and do whatever I needed to manage the pain. Evan came back from breakfast with some juice and a rose for Valentine’s Day. He must have spent a fortune in the gift shop but he didn’t want Valentine’s Day to pass without giving me a rose. Laboring was much different than I hoped it would be. The IV was annoying and the wireless monitors kept moving plus I had to get my blood pressure checked every half hour. Luckily the nurses that came with the shift change were so much more pleasant than the ones from overnight. They let me go longer in-between blood pressure checks to not stop my concentration and stopped readjusting the wireless monitors as often as they should have. They even informed every one of my birth plan and wrote a note on my door specifying quiet voices, natural lighting, and to keep the door shut at all times. The midwife came in I think around lunch time and asked if I wanted to be checked. I told her no because I was worried if I wasn’t as far as I had imagined that labor would stall due to my mental state. During breaks between contractions I read birth affirmations and listened to a hip hop play list, I had a classical music playlist but it didn’t distract me enough. My doula told me to turn on whatever music I normally listened to or else I wouldn’t be able to block out the pain. Evan stood behind me massaging my lower back while I was on the birth ball, then my doula would fill in with different massages and suggest other positions. I decided I wanted to walk the hallway. Walking was terrible. I had to stop walking during contractions so I gave up that idea and headed back to my room. 

At 4:00pm I asked to be checked. At that point I was on my birth ball and in a world of pain. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could do it. When the midwife came in and checked she told me I was at 7 centimeters. I laid on the bed thinking there was no way in hell I would have been able to stay at home until this point like I had planned. I had wanted to labor at home for as long as possible and head to the birth center around 7 or 8 centimeters. I think I would have panicked long before this point if I had been at home. I remember telling anyone in the room that would listen that I couldn’t do it much longer. I repeatedly said that it hurt really badly and I couldn’t do it. Evan was behind me in a chair and I was on the birth ball. I leaned back onto him during each contraction. I don’t know if I looked like I was having a difficult time or if it was because I kept saying I couldn’t do it but with every lean back he would whisper in my ear and tell me how strong I was. Hearing him tell me I was doing well was what I needed. It was still awful but I thought if Evan believed in me then I must be able to do it. I asked how long they thought I would be in labor and my doula told me at least two more hours. I looked up at the clock and cried. Contractions came and went and I looked at the clock again. It had only been ten minutes. I thought  to myself “Shit. It’s been ten minutes how the hell can I do this for two more hours?!.”  

After spending almost two hours on the birth ball I decided to go on my hands and knees on the hospital bed. The hospital bed had a setting where the bottom part dropped down and you could sit on the top part with your feet on the bottom part sort of like a chair if that makes sense. So on all fours my knees were on the lower part of the bed while I leaned over the top. I asked Evan for the ultrasound picture of our daughter. I laid that picture on the pillow in front of me and with every contraction I kept telling myself this was all for her. If I could just make it through this contraction I would be one step closer to meeting the sweet baby in the picture. I’m not sure how long I was in this position before I told them I felt like I had to push. My doula told me to wait for the midwife. There was a shift change. I heard them whispering the name of the midwife that was on her way. The second I heard her name I felt so defeated. I knew I was going to end up getting a cesarean. This midwife was the only one during my pregnancy who brought up complications that were going to happen because of my weight. She never spoke to me as though they could happen, it was always they will happen. I had proven her to be wrong up until this point. I was so worried that with the first little thing to go wrong she would tell me I was done and I would have to go to surgery. After those fleeting negative thoughts I remembered the picture on my desk top. It said “Wake up every morning and tell yourself you’re a bad ass bitch from hell and no one can fuck with you. And then don’t let anyone fuck with you.” I pushed all the negativity out and said to myself “You are a bad ass bitch from hell. Do not let her fuck with you. You can do this. Suck it up and do it.” When the midwife came in she checked me and told me I wasn’t ready to push but I told her I had to. She asked me to wait and I was there on the bed wondering how to stop myself from pushing without totally screwing up the labor process. I didn’t understand and I still don’t understand. I don’t get how you can just hold in a baby as if you’re holding in your pee. I pushed. I said it again “I seriously have to push. I can’t not do it.” I heard my doula say “Okay then push.” With her support I started pushing with each contraction. I looked at the clock and it was 6:00pm. I was mad. They told me it would be at least two hours. I had it in my head that by this time I would be holding my baby. I pushed as hard as I possibly could and my God did it hurt. I was pushing, and pushing, and pushing and I finally started yelling at everyone. I yelled “CUT HER OUR OF ME.” I screamed. I screamed and my doula told me to focus. She said “Bring it back in. Control it.” Evan remembered something I had researched. I read that loud noises contract everything tight and low noises open everything up. I heard him say “Growl, Felicia. Get low.” So I did. I made super weird low growling sounds I have never made in my life. I tried to practice these sounds a few weeks earlier but I felt stupid so I gave up on it. I took a deep breath as I felt the contraction growing and as it peaked I pushed my body toward the midwife and growled. I heard the nurses sounding happy with their chatter and my doula said “Yes!! Get mad at it. That’s it.” I continued growling and pushing for what seemed like an eternity.  Evan left to get me more water and when he left I started screaming again. He told me he could hear me from the nurses station, which was pretty far from our room. Again and at least twenty other times I yelled “JUST CUT HER OUT!!” I kept telling them I couldn’t do it and every time I said “This really hurts!” the midwife would say “Well yeah Felicia, it does hurt.” When Evan came back I told him I needed medication and that I couldn’t do it any more. He and my doula both told me I had to be the one to ask. I didn’t want to ask. I didn’t want to be the one to give up. I told them again that it hurt and I couldn’t do it. My doula said “You’re scared. Stop being scared. Stop fighting it. You can do it, you’re just scared.” I realized she was right. I was scared. I was never in labor before. I never felt contractions before. I never pushed out a baby before. I prepared myself for every part of labor and delivery. I researched terminology and knew almost every procedure they would try to do. I remembered I had a right to say no and that they were not in charge of my birth. It was MY birth. What I didn’t prepare for was the pain. But how do you even prepare for something you can’t even begin to comprehend? I had never even broken a bone before. I had no idea how badly labor would hurt. I was scared and I had a right to be. I thought back to my desk top. “You’re a bad ass bitch from hell. You are a bad ass. You can do this.” The growling continued and I got back into my groove. I was doing well but I was totally exhausted. I fell asleep between every contraction and I only opened my eyes to look at Evan. I remember I looked over at him because I couldn’t take it anymore. Evan must have seen in my eyes that I was ready to give up. He grabbed my face and said “You are so strong. You can do this. I’m so proud of you.”

I was doing well until I thought I was going to poop. The midwife told me it was fine and all the nurses said it wasn’t a big deal but I was on all fours and I thought if I pooped it was going to go everywhere. Worrying about pooping hindered me and I needed to switch positions. I layed on my left side while Evan held my right leg up. When I was in this position the midwife told me she had to move my cervix because it was in the way. She told me it would feel like being checked for dilation and that she had to wait for a contraction. With the next contraction she put her hand inside me and moved my cervix. It hurt a lot worse than being checked for dilation. I remember looking at her straight in the eye and saying “OW!” as if my whining would make her stop. I laid there on my side and continued to push like that for an unknown amount of time until I heard the midwife say “I can see a head and there’s a lot of hair.” I yelled “WHAT?! You see the baby?! Am I seriously about to have a baby?!” I looked at Evan and he was crying. Later he told me that once someone could actually see her he realized it was real. You know that saying that women become mothers the moment they are pregnant but men don’t become dads until they hold their child. Evan became a Dad at that moment. He was so happy. I don’t think I have ever seen him that happy. The nurse on my left told me I could reach down to touch the head. This was in my birth plan and I was glad she asked but I said no. She said this was my only chance and I could do it but it grossed me out too much to actually feel a baby down there. I pushed so many times . I was sick of waiting to have my baby in my arms. I felt the burning and I knew it was almost time. I knew the burning was her head coming out and I knew that the moment I felt like I couldn’t continue was the moment she would be out. I have no clue how many more times I pushed but eventually she was lifted out and placed on my stomach. She was perfect. I asked if it was a girl and once they said yes I counted her fingers and toes and told her happy birthday. I kissed her on the head and said “We did it, baby girl. We did it.” Coraline Paige was born at 8:14pm on Valentine’s Day. I was in the hospital and had to have antibiotics and pitocin but I didn’t get anything for the pain and it was an overall positive experience. Pushing for two hours sucked but in the end I got my Valentine’s baby.

The rest was a total blur. Evan cut the cord, my doula took pictures, I was in complete shock. I remember that they said my body had taken over and I wasn’t on pitocin but they turned it back on to deliver the placenta. I told them to make sure no one took the placenta because I was taking it home to be encapsulated. At some point they took my baby to be measured and weighed and I think that’s when I was getting stitched up. They gave her back to me and covered us up. I think they tried to clean the floor a little bit while Evan went out to tell our family that she was here.

Things that happened but I don’t know where they fit in:

-At some point during labor the wireless monitors were not picking anything up and there was trouble with my daughter’s heart beat. I was asked if I wanted internal monitoring and I had remembered that I didn’t but I couldn’t remember why so I just agreed because I thought a cord inside me would be much more tolerable than those annoying plastic circles and a huge piece of gauze around my stomach. I think this was when I was on all fours but I don’t quite remember the time line of everything.

-I threw up twice once I was on my side pushing but I don’t know if it was towards the beginning or end.

-The antibiotics for GBS burned so badly I was in tears until my arm was covered with a wet wash cloth. 

-When it was all over I opened my eyes and realized how many people were in the room. I think there was Evan, the midwife, Doula, and three nurses. I said hello to all of them and apologized for not paying attention to them during the labor process.

-The entire time I was in labor I asked Evan if he was okay and if he needed anything. I was worried about him passing out or not being able to take seeing me in pain. He surpassed every expectation and was completely amazing. 

-The first set of numbing shots before getting stitched up didn’t work and I felt the first few stitches. After telling her to stop and trying to wiggle away the midwife gave me three more shots of numbing stuff and then continued.

-I didn’t realize how warm the amniotic fluid would be or how much there was. My water breaking was a little trickle so as it gushed down my legs during labor I was completely disgusted. I remember the nurses laughing at me because I sat there saying “Ew” over and over again. 

There it is. My birth story. The hospital wasn’t what I wanted but it wasn't the total hell I had imagined. After being in a delivery room in the birth center for my postpartum check up I realized I probably wouldn’t have been able to deliver there. With my anxiety I think I would have panicked and needed the hospital because my pessimist mind wouldn’t have felt safe. I think for our next child, if we’re blessed to have another baby, I will plan on a hospital birth from the begging. I think having the midwives and a doula helped me get the birth I wanted. I’m about 90% sure that if I had an OB there’s no way I would have been allowed to labor and push for as long as I did. 

 

 

Written by Felicia T., momma of a beautiful little girl from Reading, Pennsylvania. She is a Domestic Goddess for a living and a human rights activist. Today, Coraline Paige is 5 months old!

Guest Post - "Wrapping Your Pregnant Belly"

You can use your shortie woven wraps before baby is ever born, for comfort and relief for tired bodies. Here I'll briefly outline two techniques for helping to support your pregnant body as you grow! For both of these, I'm photographed with a size 2. A size 2 or 3 woven is recommended, or a longer rebozo, 9 feet or more.

Belly Lift:

1. Starting at your middle marker, wrap and tighten around the lower portion of your belly.

2. Reaching around behind you, cross the tails over one another and bring over your shoulder. You can gather or spread these passes.

3. In your front, pull downward on the tails, to cause a lift in the belly and relieve tired muscles and pelvis.

4. If you want to use this for an extended period of time, use a longer wrap and tie tightly between the shoulder blades.

Hip Squeeze

1. Starting at your middle marker, gather and place low and evenly across your hip bones.

2. Tie in the back very tightly, at the tailbone.

3. Leave here for knot 1 variation

4. For knot two variation, you can use the tails to twist up and around your knot, forming a large knot. Lean against a wall, sit back, or use your palm to apply pressure down and in, relieving a sore tailbone while squeezing your hips.

   Both of these techniques have a place in difficult or uncomfortable labors as well. Find a doula or other care provider who is familiar with rebozo techniques to discuss when it may be appropriate to use them in labor.

Cortney Baca is a Birth Doula and Certified Babywearing Consultant through the Center for Babywearing Studies. Mama to a sweet 3 year old boy and due with baby #2 in early Spring 2014, if she's not working, she's cooking, reading, gaming, or enjoying the outdoors through exploring and geocaching. You can follow her through her website: www.motherstrong.com, or find her as MotherStrong on facebook, twitter, or pinterest.

Guest Post: "Our Surrogacy Journey"

I love being pregnant and after 8 years of research and our family being complete, I decided to become a gestational surrogate. I wanted to experience pregnancy and birth again and help a well deserving couple become parents. In doing so, I ended up with so much more, we have now extended our family to include the Jacobson-Lynch family. 

WARNING: This is a BIRTH story WITH photos! Some are somewhat graphic and do show a baby being born. If you are not comfortable with this, then do NOT read any further. This is your only warning.

Writing the birth story has not been easy for me. Partly because I didn't know what to write. I mean, obviously I would write about how he was born....but this is so much more than that; the right words to give everyone the full vision of just what baby William's amazing birth was like. Partly because I couldn't type on this without becoming an emotional mess, reliving the overwhelming accomplishments of finally giving Doug and Charles their well deserved baby boy, and the empowerment that came with having my first home and water birth. My doulas have been the biggest part in my emotional healing after the birth, and helping me find myself again, to finish his story. I'm sorry it's taken so long, but without further ado...here is his story.

It finally came. William's birth day. It all started the night before his birth, November 2nd. My legs had been bothering me during the last trimester; kind of a burning feeling when I was on them a lot. On this particular night, I asked my husband to rub them, nothing special, just to relax me. So I got in a nice hot bath and after laid on the couch and he rubbed my legs. We went to sleep around 10.

12am. I woke with the need to pee. Nothing unusual for being 39 weeks pregnant, but this time something was different. As soon as I woke up I had a contraction, which I marked as being no different than the contractions I have been having for weeks now. This one did feel stronger, but not enough to really alarm me.

Made it to the bathroom and relieved myself, had another contraction. Suddenly felt the urge to pee again. Inner monologue: "What in the world is going on? Why did that hurt? Why did that make me need to pee again?"

I could only "tinkle." This confusion went on for a while. I mean...this was not something I had experienced prior.

These contractions felt strange. Not like what I had been having before, and not the labor contractions I remember feeling with my own three children's births. I wasn't sure if I was in labor or if this was some weird twist to prodromal contractions.

Then suddenly (TMI warning), I had a contraction that made me have a bowel movement, that I never felt coming. I remember grabbing the counter and the tub and thinking, "What in the hell just happened??? This has GOT to be labor."

But it didn't FEEL like labor. Not as I knew it anyway.

I took me a few minutes to convince myself this was it, and I was timing the contractions. Every 2-5 minutes apart...not typical labor patterns...WHAT is going on...?

I call my midwife Kelly; still on the toilet. I don't remember much of our conversation. I remember her asking me questions, and me having trouble answering. I couldn't process anything to answer her. I remember saying "I don't know" a lot...Kelly knew I was in labor and knew things were happening quick. She's good like that.

Me, a doula, wasn't convinced I was sure it was labor. After all, labor had never felt like this before. This was my first all natural birth, but going into spontaneous labor felt the same every time...right???

Kelly is on her way.

I waddled out of the bathroom out sometime around 12:35ish. Woke my husband who was on the couch to tell him I am in labor and to get the pool ready.

Contractions were coming and getting more painful. I hit my knees and lean on the couch, dialing my doula Gaela. She also being great at what she does, also knew just from talking to me that this was the real deal. I remember telling her I wasn't positive it was labor, but pretty sure and I would rather be safe than sorry.

I was so worried about everyone coming out to my house for false labor. I so badly didn't want that to happen.

Then I called Doug and Charles to let them know it was time. With every phone call came more and more contractions, that got more and more painful. I knew it was time.

Still...these contractions were not totally consistent like labor "should" be. It all still very weird to me.

Finally, I called Rachel, our photographer. I told her much of the same thing I told Gaela. Not sure; better safe than sorry. On her way she came.

I had a thought of another call...I hesitated and called anyway. I called my mother. No this wasn't her grandchild. But I am her child and I was in labor. Having a home birth for the first time. I knew my mom was worried about it so I called to let her know things were happening, but told her since it was the middle of the night, to just wait until morning, then come up to see me if she wanted to. She agreed and we hung up. On to laboring I went.

Everything is so fuzzy. It all just went so fast.

I remember being on the floor on my knees, leaning on the couch the entire time. Just swaying front to back, front to back. front to back. (that side to side sway just didn't feel good to me)

I didn't breath through them like I had always heard and was taught in the birth classes I took with my two oldest children. I was moaning. I didn't even think about doing it (even though it was part of my doula training to teach my clients), I just....did it. Man did it feel good. I tried doing the whole controlled breathing thing to see if that would work better to manage the pain...nope...low moans felt soooo much better. I stuck with that. This listening to your body thing is working out pretty well!!!

I remember my husband and our friend Jessie (the one that had been staying with us to help out with my bed rest situation. She was a friend's house and I had called her to come down to be with my children should they wake up, but in the fuzz of my memory I don't remember at what point I called her) going back and forth with water, and there was a hose in the pool....fuzzy memory, but I remember them scrambling trying to get the pool filled up. I think I asked a few times if it was ready yet.

I was dying to get in that water. I don't think I have ever been so anxious to get in water in my entire life. I never had a water birth before, I was just hoping so badly that it would work for my pain as well as all of my research said it would.

Kelly and I were texting. I was trying to keep her up on what was going on with me, because things were really moving quickly.

I began to fear she wouldn't make it in time. I was terrified of having this baby without her there. Terrified.

At 12:39, I text Kelly, "Contractions coming...some are difficult. Had to get on my knees. get worse when I pee."

1:43am, "Definitely getting harder."

1:50am, "They are coming quick."

They were really coming fast, some lasting for a minute or longer, some not quite a minute. Still not real consistent, but man when they hurt, they hurt. It was a hurt I never experienced in my other labors. Not...painful...but intense. That makes no sense to those that haven't experienced it, but it's the best I have for explanation.

1:56am, "water broke." That was different this time than all the others. My others, I had a huge gush. This time, my pants just suddenly felt very wet. I knew what it was.

Kelly then asked if the pool was ready.

It wasn't quite ready yet, but almost. I remember getting up and going to the bathroom to pee again, amniotic fluid continuing to flow. Upon using the restroom, I discovered blood. Normal during labor yes...but a sign that birth was very close. I had a little freak out and let Kelly know. All I got in response to that was, "Call plz."

uh oh. "God PLEASE let Kelly make it in time"

Again, pieces missing of that conversation, but I remember her reassuring me, telling me to calm down and relax, and to get in the water as soon as I possibly could. She knew this baby was coming quick and the water could help slow things down a little, hopefully giving her enough time to get her to catch baby.

I got in the water. My husband said something to me twice about it not being ready yet, but it was darn full enough for me, and I couldn't wait any longer, I remember telling him something along the lines of it was fine and he can keep filling it up with me in it...or something...there was some talk about the temp of the water...but it felt great to me....anyway, I kicked off my pants, leaving on my panties (trust me, this piece of info, comes into play later) I got in the water, got on my knees and it. felt. amazing.

Shortly after getting in the water, I asked my dear Jessie to wake up my daughter Piper so she wouldn't miss the birth. We all wanted her to be present, as well as she did. She comes out and sits in the chair right next to the pool. My poor little girl, didn't of course understand the focus part of what I needed to do, and was trying to talk to me. It was so distracting, but I remember, when I had a break telling her and making every effort I had to make sure I didn't sound harsh, "Please don't talk to mommy when she is making those noises." She very kindly, understandingly said, "oh ok." and she did just that. Only talked when mommy was quiet. She was so great. I'm so proud of her.

I couldn't be straight on my knees like a person normally sits on their knees. Contractions hurt worse that way.

I'm weird like that. I had my left leg in front of me like I was going to sit "Indian Style" and my right leg stretched out behind me like I was trying to do the splits. Rocking front to back. That felt really good.

I even tried floating on my back in the water, being taught birthing on your back is the worst postion for birth, so I thought I would see if it worked for the water...pffffft...no way was that happening! As soon as I had a contraction while I was floating like that, I came right back up into my original position!

Contractions were coming in waves. Sometimes with a little break, but mostly not. 

Time seemed to be going by so slowly, if felt like forever ago that I had called everyone...where were they???

I expected Doug and Charles to be there first, but they weren't there yet. I was getting worried. I asked out loud for them and my husband informed me it had only been ten minutes since I called them. I checked my phone because I felt like it had to have been much longer than that...nope. It was only ten minutes.

Sometime shortly after that, they arrived. I barely noticed they were there. I asked about Kelly, worrying more and more she wouldn't make it. These contractions were getting more intense, they were on top of each other, and the pain was really kicking in. I was in transition and I knew it. There was talk about calling her to find out where she was, I said out loud, "tell her I feel pushy!" I instantly started feeling like I needed to push.

NO!!!! Not yet baby boy! Not yet!

Is all that going on in my head at that moment.

I hear someone on the phone, Doug or Charles, I'm not sure which, telling her I felt like I needed to push, then immediately following that I heard, "Oh, you're on the back porch?"

Immediate relief!!!! She made it!!!!

I opened my eyes, to see her walking fast in the house, hands full of equipment. Remember earlier I said the tid bit about my panties being on would come up again? As Kelly was getting her supplies out and ready, she says to me while giggling, "You going to have this baby with your panties on?" I completely forgot I still had them on! haha. Here I am about to push out a baby with my underwear still on.

I fixed that and got push ready, then she made a comment that is clear in my head..."Why AREN'T you pushing?" Not so much what she said, but how she said it caught my attention despite my inability to process much during contractions. In a hospital, it's very common for the OB/midwife to tell you when and how to push. I even had one tell me with my youngest, not to push, just "to let myself labor down first." It was almost strange to me to have the control over my body and that's what Kelly was reminding me in her question; that *I* have the control and need to listen to what my body is telling me.

Kelly and I briefing went back and forth in conversation about why I wasn't pushing. Partly because I wanted to make sure everyone was there first. Partly because I wasn't sure I was fully dilated enough to push because of an experience I had with my last labor. Kelly asked if I was wanted to check myself or have her do it and I told her "no" to both. I was in enough pain, that would only make it worse and really, I didn't need it, in the next few contractions, I knew it was ok to push.

At some point, I don't know when; after Kelly, but before the pushing, my doula arrived. I remember seeing her walk in, throw her things down and come right to me. She said as soon as she walked in, she heard "my birth song" and knew baby would be here very soon. Gaela was so amazing, I don't know what I would have done without her.

I had a moment right when she got there that I wasn't focusing like I needed to and instead of low moans, my pitch got higher. Gaela told me to look at her, and at first I refused.

"I can't."

"Yes you can."

I did and she just kept telling me how great of job I was doing and that I could do this. She kept telling me what I needed to hear to keep me going through those insanely intense contractions that were pushing baby William down to meet his daddies.

I started feeling nauseous but just a little, it passed just as quickly as it arrived. Then the hot flashes...I knew it was time. They got me a cool rag and a fan and put the hose back in the pool with cold water...oh that felt so amazing, I just grabbed the hose under the water and let the cold flow on my legs.

Moaning and rocking, I start gently pushing with contractions. I couldn't give the full blown pushes at first, that hurt worse. It felt good to just push a little each time. With each contraction, I was able to push harder and harder.

Contractions never did come "consistently," not text book anyway. Some contractions were short, some long, some right on top of each other, some breaks were long, some not long enough. I just went with it. I did what my body told me to do. If it hurt to push hard, I didn't, if it felt good, I did. And boy it felt good to push. Almost like the pain went away when I could really push. Until....

he was crowning. The "ring of fire" started and I backed off of my pushing trying not to tear. I swear as his head was born, I could feel every feature of his chubby little face. I called out Gaela's name and she came closer, touching my arm, speaking encouragement in my ear. It felt like it was taking forever for his head to be born. Obviously it was all happening quickly, but in the moment it didn't feel that way.

I pushed...and something happened...suddenly, it wasn't ME anymore, my BODY took over and bore down, I went completely silent and pushed with everything I had.

Such an incredible feeling. It was so powerful. It was me...but it wasn't. My body was in charge and it knew just what to do.

and did it. At some point, when it felt like it was taking so long, I called out Kelly's name. She touched my back and said "I'm right here" and that's all I needed to calm me. I can't put it into words but there was so much to that moment for me...it was like a mama/midwife moment that I will never forget, and the comfort that I got from it. She knew just what I needed. And with that,

William's head was born.

A moment of relief.

Charles admitted to being a bit queazy at such sites and from statements of Doug's, Charles was standing just around the corner. Doug went to him so excited to tell him he had to come look at his son being born. He did. His face speaks volumes...

This picture brings tears every time. No words needed. The positive shock on Charles and excitement on Doug...

The amazment on his face is clear.

I was so thankful to have a break. I just leaned across the edge of the pool and let my body go limp. I admit if felt kind of awkward to be sitting there with his head out, but thankful nonetheless. A few minutes went by, then something began to feel wrong.

The pressure increased and I prepared for the next contraction...but it didn't come.

More pressure....no contraction.

I started asking "where is the contraction?!" Kelly kept telling me it was ok, the contraction will come, it will come.

But it didn't. I kept asking where the contraction was. The pressure had gotten so intense, I knew something wasn't right. Kelly knew something was wrong and told me to turn around. Oh god I didn't want to do that! Last time I did that it hurt so bad and now I have a baby head hanging out of me...I am NOT turning around! But I know Kelly and how she practices, if she was telling me to turn around...I needed to turn around. She kept trying to explain to me how she wanted me to turn; she stayed perfectly calm the entire time, never once letting on that something wasn't right; and it was actually quite simple, but my focus was so off, I couldn't process what in the world she was trying to tell me. (after the fact they told me again and I couldn't believe I didn't understand at the time! ha!) Finally Gaela just said, "Kim, just turn over." I responded, "OH!" haha, and turned over. I felt silly.

Oh my goodness that was the worst part about the entire labor...turning over with a human hanging from my body.

Such a powerful picture. Such a powerful moment.

I turned over. Looked for something to grab onto. In my left, I had Gaela's arm while she was holding me up in the water. In my right, my dear husband reached his hand out and held my hand. I was just floating, waiting for the contraction to come.

Baby William's shoulder was a little "sticky." That is what was causing the hold up. Kelly, whom is usually very hands off, with just one finger, very easily and quickly, got his shoulder unstuck, and then came the contraction I was waiting for. With one final, simple push and he joined us earth side!!!

Out of the water and right into his Daddy's hands!!

"It's your baby!!!"

Oh lord the relief!!! It's over! Baby William is here!!!

Oh the look on his Dad's face!!! I LOVE it!!

Precious.

Doug just held and stared. Charles came over and awed as his baby boy. The moment two men became dads...beautiful.

There was a bit of humor to this moment...in all the excitment, they had to remind the guys that baby and I were still attached. Doug offered Charles to hold him and Gaela spoke, telling them "not yet, he is still attached!" haha

They chose to delay his cord clamping, and baby was getting chilly, so they handed him to me in the warm water and for some skin to skin to keep him warm.

I was so tired.

I looked down at him to his face for the first time, and I just started laughing,

"He looks JUST LIKE Charles!"

Man he did (does), looks so much like his Dad.

But oh so happy for the family I helped create. I love Doug's expression here. You can see that fresh born parent happiness.

Dad (Doug) cut the cord.

We all decided that I would nurse Baby William until they went home. Which came in handy because I was hemorrhaging and we needed him to latch to help my uterus contract down.

 This was him getting his first latch.

It felt really good to not only give them the baby they had been waiting for, but to also be able to give him the very best start possible.

Doug was never far away. :) I didn't mind at all. I liked that he always stayed close by, no matter where baby William was in the first few hours of his life. It was so sweet.

I love my daughter's expression here...it's saying, "He's here and he's amazing!"

See all the love just floating around here. Happy dads right there, no doubt about it.

There he is: William Nathan Jacobson-Lynch. The most precious thing that happened in 2013.

Born November 3, 2013 @ 1:39am. 7lbs 6oz. 20in.
labor only lasted 1hr 39min.

I am incredibly honored I was chosen to birth this handsome little being.

My heart runneth over.

The Jacobson-Lynch family.

This is what it is all about. Every needle stick, blood draw, appointment, sleepless night, chiro visit, painful pelvis and back, lack of breath, you name it...was all worth it when I look at this picture.

Making families. Next to birthing my own children, this is the most amazing thing I have done with my life.

Congratulations Doug and Charles! Welcome to earth side baby William!

 

 

Kimberly is a mom of 3 and a wife of 8 years. Currently attending UCM in Warrensburg, Mo for a BSN in nursing. She is also a CAPPA doula (working on certification). You can read more at "My Surrogacy Journey" on Facebook!

Guest Post: "A Home Birth Worth Waiting For"

Well, where do I start? Let’s see, I have been having “false” or prodromal labor since 36 ½ weeks. At 36 ½ weeks, my midwife was over and checked me, to make sure I wasn’t actually in labor, as I would have had to transfer to a hospital if I was. In Colorado you have to be 37-42 weeks for a midwife attended homebirth. My first edd by LMP was 8-22-11. BUT I was charting the cycle I conceived, and I KNEW I didn’t O til cd 24, making my EDD 10 days later than that, at 9-1-11. Sure enough, the ultrasounds matched MY edd, from charting.

I saw my OB from my first two pregnancies to start, I had gotten Hyperemesis AGAIN, and had a PICC line placed, only to have it out 5 days later when it made my Superior Vena Cave swell, and almost killed me-NOT FUN. After that, I got care from a CPM, just for Hyperemesis. She started me on Milk Thistles (not blessed thistle, blessed is FOR milk supply, MILK thistle is for live function) and I was on around 20 carpels a day at first, BUT it took care of things wonderfully. I was not comfortable with a CPM for my birth, as I have MTHFR and it can present more issues than a “normal” person. So I found my CNM, Janet Schwab. Surprisingly, she is NOT very medical, and more natural than MOST of the CPMs I know.
 
I hired her when I was 14 wks. It would have been sooner, but I interviewed several midwives, and I also was in the hospital in Feb (on Valentine’s Day) for a few days, I had Flu type A, and also Swedish hospital tanked my potassium. I went in for hydration my “K” (potassium) was 3.4 normal is 3.5 and up (don’t remember the upper range) well they pumped me full of 4 bags of just water. NO K in it at all. Surprise surprise when that night I ended up at a different hospital, due to heart issues, only to find out my K was down to a 2.9. They gave me 3 bags of IV K, BURNS LIKE HELL. And sent me home. They next day I saw the OB I was seeing, and we had my labs sent in again, only to have them tell me to get to the hospital I needed to be admitted. I was + for Flu A, and my K was now a 2.7! So I was in for 2 nights, and got around 11 bags of K, plus the 3 from the ER the night before. 14 total bags got me to a 3.7, but hey it was range. The next day I hired Janet. Went to 1 more apt with Dr. B. and fired him.

The rest of my pregnancy was normal for once. I did see my midwife's back up OB, who ironically was my mother OB when she was pregnant with me. He was wonderful, and believed in homebirth, I wonder if his wife being a midwife has anything to do with that lol. I got my anatomy scan, decided to find out what we were having, and it was gonna be our 3rd girl! We were so excited! Familiar territory!

About 36 ½ weeks, I had contractions after going to the zoo. We went to the Zoo about 100 times this summer- can I just say I LOVE the zoo pass-all I ever needed was the gas to get there, and I could walk, as well as make the girls happy all at the same time! The contractions seemed like “business” and I was spotting with them, so I called Janet, who came right over and checked me. I was closed, and there was nothing to worry about. This Contracting and spotting kept up until I reached 40w3d. However, there were 2-3 times, where we thought she was coming before then, only to have me try to sleep and wake up still pregnant.

Sure enough, on Sept 4th, 2011, at 40w3d pregnant, my baby decided she would come out. I woke up around 430 to come contractions, but this had been normal so I blew it off. Woke up to another around 5, another at 530 and it kept up that way until around 8am when I woke up David and we had 1 final round of “fun” to move things along. Let me tell ya, that was all my body needed that day! After I started contracting, but it was different, it was ALL low, before they had been low and high, but these were ALL LOW. And there started out, 5-6 min apart! I called my Midwife, My Doula Jessica, and let my parents know what was going on. Part of me just felt different. David and I took a walk, to where the contractions picked up to 3 min apart, and I could hardly move through them. We called the team back, and everyone was on their way.

This was my first non-induced labor. Azalynn was 35 weeks after 5 wks in the hospital for a montage of issues. Kaydence was 38 ½ wks due to PIH that was turning pre-e. So I had no clue what to expect. My midwife and her assistant got to my house around 1030, my doula around 1130. I got a little panicked, seeing everything being set up, but the ctx were hurting so bad, I got over it pretty fast.  Ctx were around 3 min apart, I wasn’t checked, as I said my mw is very non-medical. But after about 2 hours, I asked to be checked. I was only 4 cm, BUT 100% thinned and baby was at a 0 station.  I HAD to get in the tub, because I was not dealing with them well at all. Honestly, the pit was about the same as MY own ctx. So really, I don’t buy the “Pit is so much worse” line anymore.

An hour later, I felt a TON of pressure, so I asked to be checked, but I was only a 5, but a +1 station.  I was happy cause I made it a whole cm in an hour, oh and she would not have checked me if I didn’t ask. About an hour and a half later, I had a feeling I could no longer do this. I figured I was in transition, then my body started to push on its own, but something didn’t feel right. I asked to be checked again. Turns out I was only 6cm, with a bulging bag.  But my body was pushing. I couldn’t help it. I tried millions of positions, the tub, the toilet-other than tub, toilet was the BEST spot. An hour later, same thing, but more intense, guess what? Still 6cm. I was staring to lose it, thinking I needed to transfer because I was worried my cervix was going to swell shut, since I couldn’t stop my body from pushing in the ctx. I just could not help it. I asked, well more like demanded to transfer so I 1 wouldn’t swell shut, 2 to get rid of the pain. I was in a “CANT DO THIS” state of mind for an hour and could not take anymore. My midwife, her assistant, and my doula somehow convinced me to go for a walk outside with my husband. I had 3 ctx just between the front door and the end of our property; I turned around said “I WANT TO GO NOW” and headed back to the house to get ready to go to the hospital.

 I had 1 more ctx on the way to the door,  and one more right when we got inside, the one inside is when I finally gave up and gave in. I was standing in front of the swamp cooler (god that was a nice feeling) and I told David I was sorry for wasting $4,000. I made it down stairs to the toilet again, where I felt I really had to poop. Thinking too bad I do need to poop and I know it’s not the baby, seeing as I was 6cm 15 min before.  My midwife came in to see how I felt after the walk, I told her I give up, I’m ready to transfer, this could be hours more. I asked her to check me one more time, and then we could go. In my mind I said “if I’m at least an 8 I won’t go” so I got to the bed, had another ctx-a WHOPPING one. That lasted 2 min long. Then I laid down on the bed for her to check me. With the most shocked look on her face, she said “you can push if you want” all I could do is say “REALLY????” I must have asked if she was sure about 10 times. My doula said the look on my face was priceless. I did have a small right anterior lip, just like with Kaydence. I hopped up, and hopped into the tub, I had a ctx as I was going from the bed to the tub, but I just wanted in the dam tub!!!! I debated just diving in instead of climbing in lol.

Once I was in the tub, things spaced way out. We tried different positions, to get the bit of cervical lip gone, none were working, but ctx were so spaced out at that point, I just was happy I had rest time. When I had one, I tried pushing, it hurt, so I stopped which hurt more, so I tried again. I told the mw I thought I brought her down a bit again, and asked her to check and see, I had, but the lip was holding her back a bit, my mw offered to hold it out of the way, and I said “YES PLEASE!” so next ctx when I started to push I told her, and she held it back, then things really got insane pain wise. I just wanted her out. I took her from at the lip, (so a +2 station) to crowning in 1 huge push. OMG it hurt to have her sit there. They told me to reach down and touch her head, I did, the bag was still intact at that point! It was awesome to feel. Next ctx my waters broke, which I didn’t feel at all because I was in the water, but then it hurt even worse. I actually screamed “JUST PULL HER OUT!!!!” to the midwives, but she wasn’t even out yet lol. I gave one more push; I didn’t want to wait for a ctx, period. So I just pushed, I could feel myself stretching, and feel her trying to come out, I was screaming one of the “EGHHHHHHHH” screams, and everyone in unison told me to breath, I took 1 huge breath and went at pushing with everything I had again, my hand still on her head! And then her head just popped out! I didn’t want to stop, it still hurt bad. So I pushed again, and felt her rotate (k that was kinda cool) and then she was out. Next thing I know there is a splash and my baby is being handed to me. The position I was in was kinda half on my right side, right leg somewhat folded up under me, left leg digging into the bottom of the pool hard. Wednesday Sky was earthside at 413pm, 13” head, with a nuchal hand.  BEST LOOKING cord out of any of my kids (can we say proper nutrition?) her placenta was somewhat of a heart shape too-awesome!

 I got out of the tub about 15 min later, after sitting there in awe amazed I did it, and even more amazed that *I* did it. I went into labor on my own, my child picked her birthday, I dealt with the pain, even if I did beg/demand to transfer at one point, I did it at home in the water!!!! Just like I WANTED too. Her APGAR’s were a 9 and 10. Just for the record, a 10 in Colorado, is HARD to get. But yes she was a 9 at 1 min, and a 10 at 5 min. We got me out of the tub to deliver the placenta, on the birth stool. It came right out. Easy with a plop!

Then I got in bed, where I ate a grilled cheese, and snuggled and nursed my baby. It was about 50 min from birth til when she latched, but she was happy and not interested sooner. Then we worked on looking at me, sure enough, 2 tears, SAME spots as Azalynn and Kaydence. Labial, so OUCH for peeing lol. But they already feel better. Hardly any swelling, it’s great! We did her exam, she checked out as a 40 wker! So perfect for dates, and then we measured her, 6 lbs 14 oz, and 18 ½ inches long. Not a long as Kaydence, longer than Azalynn, but the heaviest of all, and largest head of all.
Wednesday did get a vit K shot, because I have to take Aspirin for MTHFR, so I’m in a higher risk group for a VKDB (Vit K Deficiency Bleed) baby, so for me it was the right choice for the baby. Oral vit K isn’t really studied, the doses are always changing, and it screws up a virgin gut right off the bat, so we did the injection- ALL babies are born Vit k deficient, the difference is if you’re on certain meds, the risk of a bleed happening is higher.

Getting the pool emptied was an adventure. My dad’s drill pump broke, but he decided to go get a submersion pump for us (THANK YOU DADDY!) and David held it in place for almost 2 hours emptying the pool. Once it was low enough to move, the carried it outside and dumped the rest in the garden. I got my post-partum sitz bath, the herbs are really helping the tears. It’s amazing!-OH and a bit of wonderful advice I got, DEPENDS- So much better than pads and panties lol.

I forgot to add, the girls and my parents came down just minutes after she was earthside, so they got to meet her while I was still in the pool. The girls were so excited. I hope it made a permanent imprint on what normal birth is- and yes I’m glad they were not there when I was pushing her out, they could not have dealt with that at all.

I am so thankful for my wonderful birth team. Jessica, Janet and Bergen, They really held me together when I hit my wall, and I’m even more grateful for how wonderful David was through it all. He really was my rock.

Story reposted with permission of original author, Felicia. Felicia is a size -friendly doula located in Colorado, please check out her business site to contact her and have her attend your birth!

Guest Post: "Homebirth after 3 c-sections- my journey to the birth I never knew I could have!"

My Homebirth: Vbac after Three Cesareans

I know my birth story needs to start with my first birth. This is going to be long, it has taken me forever to write it and I could still add much more. Sit back, relax and enjoy the stories LOL

  I was young, just 15 when I found out I was pregnant. I started going to the ob that was recommended to me by my step mom and did what they told me to do. I gained 85 lbs and that was really the only bad thing with my pregnancy. I never looked up childbirth nor did I take any classes. I just waited to go into labor. As soon as I thought the braxton hicks were real my mom and I went into the hospital. Three times I went in, was kept 12 or so hours each time, and then sent home.

 Nobody ever explained what the real contractions would be like, so every time the braxton hicks were normal I went in. The fourth time I went into the hospital the ob came in and said "OK were going to make you have this baby". I was just 38 weeks and didn’t know any better. She said they could induce me and well… I went along with it excited to see my little one and never knowing the risks of being induced or even thinking it wasn’t a good idea. So we started with cervadil, it didn’t work so they used pitocin, and then more cervadil.

They wouldn’t let me walk the halls or even take a shower so I laid in bed... Waiting and waiting for my labor to pick up. I finally hit 3 cm and the ob came in and said she could break my water and she did. Everything was supposed to pick up after that happened and it really didn’t.

Throughout the three days I was in the hospital before he was born the ob was so busy I had barely even seen her. She had almost every birth on the floor all three days, it was ridiculous. Everyone was having a baby accept me!

On the evening on the 28th they came in and said, "Your bp is to high, his heart rate is deceling, and you need to have a cs. Your labor isn’t progressing!" I don’t remember them checking me past noon that day and of course that’s when I had my epidural because they said "Oh.. if you don’t get it now you won’t be able to later". They said at noon, I was still 3 cm. When they got me rushed in for an emergency c-section my mom went in with me and it was the worst experience. I know they gave me the epi before they started, but I felt the cutting the left side of my stomach. I told her and she said "OH no it’s just pressure.". I had to convince her that I could feel the knife. She stopped and they gave me more in my epi and then it’s all a blur from there. I wound up with a hernia from her cutting crookedly.

I remember once they got to the baby, they had to tilt to table with my head to the floor.  The doc got onto a stool to pull him out. Of course that gave them suspicion of possible cpd since his head was stuck!... Now I know his head was molding; but no... they didn’t want to admit I was further then 3 cm because it was 6pm and my ob wanted to go home! I truly believe it was a matter of patience and I had been induced to long.

Because of the cs I had a horrible disconnect with my son for the first month it was hard for me to call myself mom to him.. I never remembered seeing him after he was born, not until after recovery. While I was in the OR I remember seeing him in the incubator but never kissed him, touched him, I don't even remember seeing him after he was delivered. It was the worse experience I had and I always thought oh the ob did the best thing and he needed to get out blah blah blah but in all reality if I wasn’t induced, I know it wouldn’t have ended in a unnecessary csection.

Of course knowing it was unnecessary didn’t come till this pregnancy.

Fast Forward 4.5 yrs Mike and I were ready for another baby and I took the advice of a friend and went to her ob. A new doc that I thought would understand and even suggested vbac to me. I went through my pg again with no problems even barely gained but 30lbs.

The paper the ob gave me on vbac was simple and of course stating the risks but I still wanted to try. He explained to me that vbacs are great but the risk is much higher past 39 weeks and would allow me till then to vbac.

At the time I was working, in school full time, and pregnant. I didn’t do any research on my own just waited for labor to start. Going through my pregnancy just so busy with everything; I never thought to research vbac more, the docs know what they are talking about right? 39 weeks is term in their book and I was having Braxton hicks with my first at about 37 weeks, so I thought I had a chance.

38 weeks 4 days I am getting desperate. I wanted my vbac so bad I tried castor oil. Apparently it wasn’t enough because it didn’t do anything for me, but I went in to the hospital with the irregular contractions that I was having, in hopes it would progress into my vbac. The ob told me we know we aren’t inducing since you had that with your first and it didn’t work. So relax and get some rest we will see how you’re progressing in the morning and go from there. The nurse came in and told me to take this pill it would relax me and let me rest so when its go time in the morning I won’t be exhausted. At the time again.. No research and I wasn’t really natural minded. I took the pill and slept all night.

The next morning I was still 1cm and my contractions stopped. So, the ob came in and said we can have a cs today or Tuesday. Well of course, Tuesday was my father in laws birthday and my first son was born on my sister’s birthday so I said today. We were already in the hospital, I was sick of being pregnant, and really thought I was broken. My contractions stopped and my dilation was the same. So off to the best cs in my life, it was nice and calm. I was more ok with the cs I had with Mark. I chatted with the ob the whole time during my cs. When they pulled him out, he had the cord around his neck once. He was brought over to me and I remember seeing him being held up and then Mike holding him next to me. It was great that it wasn’t a rush, horrible experience like with Ryan. The ob even got rid of my little hernia that I had on the left side where the first ob cut me when I told her I could feel it.

I thought my recovery was better than with Ryan but still I hated that I had another cs. At that point I was done, I really believed that I didn’t work; I was doomed for cs when we had more kids. I didn’t have trauma from this cs like I did with Ryan, but it still made me feel like a failure.

December of 2007 my 3rd child was due, I got pregnant one month after my period came back and knew exactly when we conceived. This was going to be repeat cs because nobody gives you the ok to vbac. I never knew vbac’s after multiple cs were possible. I wish I would have done research!  I went my whole pregnancy with complications that could have been prevented. During my pregnancy they changed my due date and it was originally December 5th and because of his size “they knew my due date was wrong” so it went up to Nov 24th and again I was wrong.

 I was stressed more then I can explain due to job, responsibilities, and extra family members living with me. It got to a point where I would come home from dealing with the stress and lay around and do nothing. Didn’t want to play with my kids, go outside and walk, or even clean my house. My husband did it all he was superman while I was pregnant with Evan. I eventually got a blood clot from the lack of movement and started having to get injections of lovenox. I did what the ob told me to!  Twice a day I had injections, it was the worst thing for me. I even passed out and stabbed myself with the needle trying to give myself the shot.

The last 3 months of my pregnancy were filled with stress, shots and no energy! I eventually got fed up with the family situation and we moved. It ended up being 1 week before he was born and during that whole week I was sooo busy working on getting the house unpacked and organized. It was the most work I had done my whole pregnancy it seemed.

Nov 12th, My mom came into town to help; and we were working extra hard to get the last few things finished of the babies. I wasn’t eating the way I should have been, not drinking enough water, and had I known all these things played into early labor; I wouldn’t have called the stupid hospital! I noticed that evening I was having contractions that I thought were real. I never had real contractions before, and so, I called. I realized I was having leg cramps, back pain and the contractions. We didn’t think oh.. drink some water and take a bath maybe you have just done to much. Nope, we called the hospital and they said your clot could be moving get in here ASAP. So we did, but it was 2 hrs later because we had to get the kids situated and then drive 40 minutes to the stupid hospital. They were calling me all the time telling me to hurry up, and we were, but still 2 kids to drop off, hospital bag to get ready...ect...  It takes time!

 When we got in they said oh yeah you’re having little contractions, and I was 1 cm dilated. They told my husband you cannot be in the O.R. at all because the risks with her clot moving. They knocked me out all the way. It was horrible I have no recollection of anything accept waking up in the hall.

When they wheeled me into the hall, my mom told me that my husband in the NICU with the baby because he had black hands and feet and wasn’t breathing well in the nursery; so they moved him to the NICU. They told us it was a good thing we came in or he wouldn’t have made it! I didn’t need any extra blood and everything was fine besides the rushed cs. Also because of my clot they told me they needed to cut my external incision as a classical and my uterus would be cut horizontal like the others. He said this would decrease the risk of infection for my incision and it would heal faster. Honestly at the time I didn’t question I was uneducated and didn’t know I could question the people who are there to protect and take care of me. I had no idea I could say "No! I want my husband in there no matter what!" I want to be awake no matter what could happen, and I really wish I would have been more educated, because it could have been so different.

Because of the due date change he was really just almost 36 weeks, and they charted because of the new due date he was 37 weeks. He was on a ventilator and in the NICU for 11 days. They wheeled me past the NICU and into my room. Once they got me transferred to my bed, I asked when I could see him. They said "OH! They could have wheeled you in there, but now you can’t since you’re on the regular bed". I asked to go onto the OR bed again and be taken to see him but that wasn’t possible. Again didn’t fight the hospital and say "I want to see him NOW!"  My aunt went to Walgreens and printed pictures for me to have since I couldn’t go see him. It was horrible being stuck waiting to be with him.  I didn’t get to see him until he was 12 hrs old. Once I was able to go in there I couldn’t touch him because they said he can’t handle the interaction. At 5 days old I was finally able to hold him. I always asked and begged them but nope! He was a whole day old before I could even touch him, and of course, I now know that is the biggest thing babies need is their mothers touch.

I felt for a while that I failed as a mother because I could have changed all these things had I been educated and persistent.

After 11 days we went home, he was great at breastfeeding which I was so worried about. On Christmas Eve when he was 6 weeks old he stopped breathing and we ended up with another hospital stay; of another 11 days. He was transferred an hour away to a children’s hospital. He had bradycardia(low heart rate), rsv(infection a preemie  gets) and acid reflux. They put him on a heart monitor, and we had that for 8 months. All because the stupid doctor changed my due date and he was super early. Had I known my stress and dehydration causes bh contractions I would have taken a bath and drank a ton of water before calling. He wouldn’t have been so early if they would have said oh its bh go home your ok… but no… they see a reason to charge even more on a delivery and they jump at it!  My ob had one of the highest cs rates in the area. Of course I know this now, but not then! But, ok I am done, as I really could go on and on, which would be 20 pages long if I included everything!

Fast forward 3 yrs and we find out were expecting again!  Hoping for a girl and since my best friend had passed away the month before I really had a feeling this was a girl. I just knew, still had doubts. But I knew it was meant to be! I fully planned on calling my ob and making an appointment knowing it would be another cs. I was talking with my friend on the phone and she knew I hadn’t made any appointments yet but she said why don’t you vbac.  Are you crazy?? Why could I VBAC? I started explaining all the issues and problems my body had going into labor with my first, and how I was broken and that my labor had stopped with my vbac attempt. See I can’t do it! She got sooo mad at me for saying I couldn’t do it. It really made me mad that she knew I could VBAC, but I knew I was broken and couldn’t VBAC! So I argued with her about knowing how broken I was; and why this would never be something I could do. At that time she also mentioned the new ICAN group about 45 minutes from my house. I told her I would look into it, but that I didn’t think I could vbac because I’ve had 3 cs and they were all needed.

In my eyes at that time I still was saved by the ob’s for giving me c-sections after my son couldn’t handle the labor; and of course because my labor stopped with my 2nd.  Oh and my 3rd had they not cut him out then he wouldn’t have made it because he had such a hard time handling the outside. This was the ridiculous things I thought in the beginning of my 4th pregnancy.

After I got off the phone with her I seriously started researching. She made me so mad telling me I shouldn’t be negative and I can VBAC… who was she to tell me I could vbac? She never had a cs before, and never had experience with vbac. I wanted to prove her wrong even though I started thinking... What if I could vbac? Research brought me to ICAN, youtube and various birth videos in which most I would sit and bawl my eyes out. If other woman felt broken and then vbac’d maybe I can do this. I found every vbac video and story especially vbac for multiple cs online, went to the ICAN meeting and talked to people, and learned I could do this! I knew I couldn’t attempt this without my husband and we talk about everything. I made him read the articles, research, studies, and birth stories right along with me. It was amazing the support he had for me to vbac.

Knowing we couldn’t vbac in a hospital I knew the perfect person to call. I have been a long time member of a natural parenting group and knew several women who had homebirths, and knew of a homebirth midwife in our group, and several doulas. I called the only homebirth midwife in my area, she told me to get my medical records and we would have a meeting. We could go over how my previous births were.  This showed me where the hospital and ob’s really lied to me. Had I not been induced I wouldn’t have needed the cs, a vbac after 39 weeks is perfectly ok, but the ob didn’t say that! So 2nd cs it was. Nobody says a vbac after multiple c-sections is ok so Evan was repeat cs after they told me my due date was wrong when I knew the dates he could have been conceived. Then, them saying best we got him out when we did or something could have happened. UHHH He needed to cook longer people! Look at all the problems we’ve had since!

This brought up a lot of hate for my previous ob who I thought was great, until I started researching for this baby. It was hard for a while; knowing that had I been more educated, or researched with the boy’s pregnancies, I could have prevented this, but at the time I was busy working and school, so I was never online. I didn’t even own my own computer till after Ryan was born.



I know everything happens for a reason and I have always said that and I convinced myself that the c-sections were needed but I still felt broken. During my pregnancy I started going to the ICAN meetings in our area and eventually I became an ICAN Co leader when the group leader needed to step down. It is a support group for c-section mamas hoping for vbac or even woman wanting to prevent a c-section. I was really hesitant because I never had a vbac. Just 3cs and I felt "What if I didn’t get my vbac, and I was a co leader? How would that look?" Something felt out of place for a while with that but I didn’t want our group to get canceled. OK, OK, I can go on forever about this, but I should start on Julianne’s birth.

My pregnancy with her was amazing really; the only issue I had was the SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction)  and I went to the chiropractor weekly for that. I gained the least amount of weight from all my pregnancies, walked the most and ate the best. This was a great experience not having medical interference during my pregnancy. My due date was Feb 15th and we changed it a bit to match the conception dates. I would have been given a Feb 12th dd from the ob. Our midwife talked with us about everything that could happen and all the testing that is typically done. She told us it was our choice to choose which testing we wanted. She made me feel so confident in myself to have a natural childbirth and made childbirth seem so normal. Makes me think why oh why do the ob’s encourage induction and pain meds because the midwife model of care is so different. Being so natural minded since Evan was little I changed my thinking on so many things. Having a natural unmediated childbirth was something that I never feared about once my midwife had confidence in me. She explained that a woman’s body was meant to give birth and left unhindered it does work. That was something that took a while for me to swallow because for 10 yrs I was broken. My husband never understood the broken part of my feelings but when you’re told oh you don’t dilate or go into labor on your own what do you expect? I never thought that I could work had they left me to go into labor. That even though I made it not a big deal was a big hurdle to get over. Knowing and trusting in my body and in birth. I trusted my husband and midwife so it was just on me to trust that I CAN birth a baby without interventions.

Throughout my whole pregnancy I scoured for birth stories of other woman like me. I found so many stories on message boards and videos on youtube. I would spend my hours in the evening reading and researching. Something I never did with my other pregnancies and It built my confidence and trust in myself to see other woman who had gone through similar situations with even more c-sections then I had.  We went on through the pregnancy preparing, eating healthy and exercising.

Everyone asks me didn’t you worry about complications and rupture... What would you do if you had a problem? I never worried about the risk of uterine rupture or possible complications but I did feel as though I spent so much of my pregnancy explaining why we have chosen to have a homebirth and why it is better. Nobody believes you or when they do it is after you fight your way through it. Everyone is so brainwashed by the medical fields and horror birth stories. It is hard to explain why even after 3 c-sections I could have a vbac and the risk of rupture isn’t as high as the ob’s or hospital’s say. We always had a plan if we needed to transfer but that was never good enough. Thankfully I didn’t have to plead my case with my mother much more then telling her what research I found. I was so excited to be able to have her at home and not get cut open again. The recovery will be amazing and I was excited just waiting to have my baby.

Around Thanksgiving my husband had to choose his vacation weeks for 2011, he knew he wanted to pick 2 weeks during the time we were having the baby but since this was all natural we knew we couldn’t pick a date for sure. We went with 42 weeks because natural childbirth typically happens around 41ish weeks. Feb 20th was the original start date of my hubby’s vacation. I really put it in my mind that I will be about 42 weeks when I have her. I didn’t want to get to my due date and be disappointed in myself for not working… I prepared myself enough during my pregnancy knowing post dates is ok but never thought I would be that late. The 21st was the date I guessed for myself, my hubby thought the 26th. This of course was just our fun in guesstimating when I would have her and she will come when she is ready we knew that.

 On February 8th I started having contractions they were different then the Braxton hicks and having never been in real labor before I thought this was it. It was starting and I was excited. It continued until the 12th it was off and on contractions with cervical pain. At that time my husband took his vacation early because I was having such a hard time sitting comfortably and taking care of everything because of the spd. We really thought it was going to continue progressing. Even though it was not 42 weeks I had already been having off and on bh contractions so I convinced myself this was it. Mike took his vacation early and then everything stopped.

So, as much as we didn’t want to sit and wait for her to come that’s what we did. Days would go by with no contractions.. Everyone kept bugging us and asking anything yet? Have the baby yet? It was so frustrating to know we jumped the gun and he started his vacation early. We kept busy walking and doing things, getting the house finished and actually spending time together. It was really hard as the days past to wait. My due date came, went and went and went…… I was really emotional because I knew my baby and I were fine. Never once felt that she wasn’t ok. I was reassured that all the time from my mw and doula but just knowing you’re late and having that fear in the back of your mind was hard. ‘What if I really was broken? Why do I, of all people have to be so late? Why did we have mike take his vacation so early, how could I have not known and now his vacation is over and wasted. Even though it wasn’t it was just the fleeting thoughts, but it was emotional going day by day.

Mike and I played so many hands of rummy, and dice it was great. I had fun with all the game nights, but waiting was so hard. I waited 10 yrs for a girl, and now she doesn’t want to come see us; that’s how I felt sometimes. I knew when she was ready she would come. I did start losing my mucus plug but not much.

I was 42 w 3 days when I started asking what we can do. I didn’t want to intervene because of the interventions that led me to the cs in the first place. I looked into every natural induction method and just sat and talked about it. It was so emotional because we waited so long for her and knew everything was fine, knew post dates was ok and I really thought I prepared myself for post dates but realized at that time I didn’t. I was hesitant on doing anything at first and my mw talked about doing a stretch and sweep which is stripping your membranes. She only considers this after 42 weeks which I already was. Mike and I talked about it and he had already used all 3 weeks of his vacation, and was back at work. We both wanted her to be here with us so bad we figured it couldn’t hurt. It is a small intervention, with small risks, but we wanted to see if it would help me progress and while she did it I had a couple menstrual type cramps and that was the first time I felt that kind of contraction. She said at that point I was 2-3 cm and 90% effaced. We didn’t do any vaginal exams during my pregnancy so this was the first time I knew how dilated I was. I was excited and also felt that I should have been more dilated but it was ok. The next day I got a reflexology massage that is supposed to induce labor if you and the baby are ready. Only had a few contractions that night it was March 5th  I was 42 w 4 days and got the ok from my mw to get the massage. We were talking to the baby everyday telling her to come see us but she just wasn’t ready yet. I trusted my body and knew that she was fine.

 At this point I was so late I started getting cranky on my facebook and posting messages that I typically wouldn’t. Like www.haveyouhadyourbabyyet.com that was great.. So funny!  Also made sure to post studies about post dates and the birthwithout fear facebook page became my home. I could get reassurance I was doing what I was supposed to waiting for her to come. Mrs. BWF was also going through post dates at that time. She had her babies between 42-44 weeks so I stalked her page waiting. Waiting for her labor to kick in thinking reading about her would start mine. LOL silly I know.

Sunday morning March 6th I woke up at 7am and stood up out of bed and knew something was going on.  My water had broken or was leaking. I called my mw and said it was a partial rupture and I would keep leaking but everything is fine. "Keep hydrated and do regular things". I sat at the computer to post on my secret message board that I didn’t tell anyone about. I wanted to have someone to talk to about this on and off labor but I had so many people texting or calling asking when I was going to have this baby that I refused to post anything about my impending labor on my facebook. I got up from the computer and a huge gush of water came down. I was like "Oh WOW!" I had never experienced that before so I was really excited. I knew labor was coming soon! I was so glad to have my chux pads with me because I did not want that in my carpet! LOL

I didn’t have but maybe one or two contractions that whole day. My mw came and told me typically it can take 24-48 hrs for labor to start naturally if not messed with.  Everyone thinks; Oh My GOD! My water broke! I have to rush to the hospital right now! Just because your water breaks doesn’t always mean it’s going to be soon. It doesn’t always mean you’re going to get an infection, especially at home. The risk is the vaginal exams which my mw doesn’t do unless she thinks it’s necessary. So we waited...

Monday came and went... just some small contractions during the day but at night I would have good contractions. I would get up every hour to use the restroom, and notice I woke up from menstrual cramp type contractions. I never experienced these with the boys so it was all new to me. I made sure to talk with my doula who explained the difference, and Tuesday morning told me I could take a shower since I didn’t get much sleep. In the early stages of labor it can help slow down the contractions enough to get some rest. I showered at 7:30, ate something and was able to sleep till 10:30. I didn’t wake up with contractions but I did notice them throughout the day maybe like 20-30 mins apart. They weren’t the bh contractions anymore.

Come 2:00 I was so tired and I just wanted to sleep, I lay down and it would hurt worse! I got up and called my doula, she suggested a bath it can slow things down like the shower did so I could rest again. At that point my hubby and I figured if the contractions were going to stay this way; maybe the kids can go to my mom’s for the evening and play, and then come home right before bedtime so Mike and I can rest. My sister also lives with us so she went with the boys.

I had gotten in the tub at 2:30 and talked on the phone to my friend Kelly. She was coming from 2 hrs away to watch the twins for my mother so she could be here. Kelly told me she didn't think it would be too long, so she was to come up now. If she stayed a day or two its fine, but she really thought it would be tonight. I put it in my head it was going to be a 3 day labor! I was thinking, "I’m 3 weeks late!", so I would figure, labor would be long and I wanted to anticipate it; so I didn’t get discouraged.

It was about 4:45 when I started noticing the contractions were more often. I was on the phone with my other friend Angelina and she noticed I had 3 contractions in 15 mins. It was weird they would be 5 mins apart then I would have 3 in a row at that point they were stronger; but I could still focus on other things. Mike got home from dropping the kids off and helped me out of the tub. He was going to make us steak and broccoli; since I had been eating so much all day I had never been so hungry! I just kept eating. I was excited about steak! I called my doula to come at 4:45 right before I got out of the tub. She said she was about 40 minutes away and would be leaving now. I got dressed and remember eating something after I got out. She came about 6pm and at that point some contractions felt like they were one on top of the other. I also started noticing back pain. I really had to go deep and started making weird animal noises. My mother came over at that point and I remember thinking why are you here so soon? I didn’t think she needed to come over at that point since it was going to be a long labor. Kelly told her to come and she kept the kids and my sister was there to help. She had my 3 boys, my mom’s 2 boys and 1 sister plus my other sister who was helping. I don’t know how she did it LOL. My mom did bring my oldest son so he could go to school in the morning. He walked in the kitchen trying to talk to me about something but I was still leaning over the kitchen table moving my hips and moaning. He never questioned me on why I was making such weird noises he just knew the baby was going to come and he stayed in his room the rest of the night watching tv.

I never expected to be a person to get that loud and moan in labor but the vibrations from the moans made a huge difference. It felt good to be loud and also my doula suggested rotating my hips like doing the hula hoop. My doula, my mother and Mike would take turns putting pressure on my back while I was having the back labor. I stood in the kitchen for a while and tried to eat the wonderful steak and broccoli that Mike made but it wasn’t happening. I was just having such intense contractions. I made my way to the chair to rest for a bit. I was noticing the contractions even more; one on top of the other. I think Mike was already filling up the pool which in hindsight I should have had him do that in the afternoon, when I first noticed contractions. I could have been in the pool during the back labor and I think that would have been amazing.

I got to a point in the chair where I seriously felt high. I asked my doula “am I high??” I would look around and felt really drunk!  She said it was my hormones from the labor; at that point I was able to sleep between contractions. I just needed cold rags and water. I felt like everyone was standing there staring at me but they knew more than I did that the time was soon. They seemed to space out and I could sleep. She said maybe 10 minutes of rest and I would pass out and snore even.

After a bunch of cold rags and some cool drinks I got up to use the restroom. I tried but it was torture for me… when I sat on the toilet the contractions were so intense I couldn’t relax to go pee.  It was the worst thing to sit on the toilet having contractions because it seemed that the pain wouldn’t go away at all. I know some woman like sitting on the toilet in labor but that was not me!  I did notice my bloody show more than I expected but still normal. At that point I think my doula was on the phone with my midwife, or maybe before when I was still in the chair relaxing. I am unsure when she called, but I remember being in the bathroom leaning against the sink having contractions, and then my midwife showed up.

I got in the pool. That stupid thing took so long to fill up it seemed that I really wish I would have done it sooner. As soon as I got into the pool it seemed the back labor went away. My husband was right there next to me and at that point my mom took a couple pictures. I still thought it would be a long while LOL. I wanted my birth video taped but didn’t want them to tape me for 3 days so I never said anything about it. Once I got in the tub I wasn’t in there to long before I felt that I should push. I tried to not push with it, but all I felt was the need to push. I’ve never experienced this before and I didn’t want to push too hard but I couldn’t control it. I always thought you push once and have a break. Not for me, it was push 3 times, and then a break. I kept slipping around in the pool and I really wasn’t feeling the position I was in, so I tried to move and get into a better position but I just wasn't getting comfortable enough. My midwife wanted to get heart tones. I moved around and we tried. She also suggested a vaginal exam because of the bloody show in the pool; she wanted to get heart tones on the baby’s head right away to make sure everything was ok. It was just a few chunks I actually didn’t realize it was blood. I thought I pooped like everyone says you do in labor. She couldn’t feel heart tones and she messed with my stomach and the baby wouldn’t kick.

The whole time I was in labor I was more focused on the labor. I didn’t notice her moving at all. My midwife said "Let’s get out of the pool because she needed to get heart tones". I stood up and still was pushing it seemed like all the time when this was going on. I was able to get out of the pool and laid on the bed for heart tones but I had to push. Kept pushing and pushing... We did get heart tones and they were perfect! I just didn’t feel the baby move, I remember feeling her move in the tub back between 2:30-4:30 but that is it. That is also the last time I was able to pee, I tried several times but couldn’t. Once I was on the bed I actually felt like I was making progress with the pushing. My midwife said every time in the pool I was pushing the baby was staying down, she wasn’t coming down and going back up like most babies do.

I ended up staying on the bed, the pushing urge was so intense, I just had to stay there and push. My doula held my leg back, and my midwife did the other. My hubby stood at the end of the bed right there by me. I seriously thought I would be pushing forever. It was only about 20 minutes on the bed. As soon as they could see the baby’s head peaking, I made my mom take a ton of pictures and show me after each picture. I couldn’t believe the baby’s head was right there! I was so into pushing I didn’t think of the pillow that could have gone behind me so I could feel her head, but that’s OK I had the pictures. I kept pushing and the head came out. I had no idea her head came out until they said her head is out. My mw said wait till the next contraction and let your body push on its own. She told my hubby to come over and catch the baby. It was the next push, just a minute later she came flying out! It felt like a big flip and flop! It was amazing.

She was out and I just wanted to see my baby. It felt like forever from the time she came out till the time they laid her on me but it wasn’t. We planned on immediate skin to skin contact and nursing from the start. I did tear in 2 places and had a bit more blood than normal, especially because of the tears. I never felt a gooey, juicy, baby. It was great to hold her and she was wide awake right away. I remember thinking OMG she is so tiny compared to what we expected since I was 3 weeks post dates. Her butt was tiny but her body was so long. We had her start nursing within minutes as they worked on cleaning me up and getting the bleeding to stop.

I delivered the placenta pretty soon after it seemed like 10 minutes later. The bleeding wasn’t slowing and I took some herbs to help with the bleeding, as well as the nipple stimulation to get the hormones going so I could stop bleeding. I was more worried about bleeding too much. I wish I wouldn’t have worried about it but of course I had to think, I had a vbac but I tore myself! Why did I do that? Why did I push so hard and fast? I laid there holding my baby so excited that she was here, looking at her but still thinking… why won’t  I stop bleeding. Even though they said it is ok never said let’s go to the hospital or anything but I was paranoid. I had a wonderful pregnancy and a homebirth after 3 cs but I am going to bleed to death because I pushed too hard. Uhh it figures. I think back now and I wish I wouldn’t have worried about it at all. I know my mw knew what to do and everything was fine but I was consumed in what I did wrong. Maybe I made myself so anal about the delivery because I didn’t want to screw it up. I felt at sometimes the boys births were my fault because I was uneducated on birth.


I got up to try and pee. At this point I think it had been 7 hrs since was able to pee last. She was born at 10:35pm and I still hadn’t been able to. It burned so bad, and it was because of the tears which didn’t get stitches or anything. My midwife said they would heal the one was a hematoma and seemed pretty bad. My bones and body hurt so bad it was like a massive work out that I did not prepare well for. I thought besides your vagina hurting your body would be fine but nope not mine it felt like I had been hit by a bus or two. LOL

The baby was amazing she nursed right away. My mom made me some eggs and cream cheese toast. I also drank a bunch of juice and water. It had been since 5ish that I had anything to eat and I felt like I was starving. It was about 3 hrs later before we cut her cord and found out she was 8lbs.8 oz and 21.5 inches long, her head was 14.5 inches long and she came out in military position. Her head was perfect and didn’t even have a crown from molding or anything. She nursed this whole time which was so amazing to have her with me, skin to skin and nursing. She knew exactly what to do right away. I was never able to nurse my boys right away and they were always given a bottle the first day accept Evan. I knew our bond was going to be different. Made me which I could have that with the boys. I know shes my first girl so that makes it different too but from just hours after birth if I got up to use the rest room my hubby or mom would hold her and she would cry that she wasn’t laying on me or nursing. She nursed all night. At first I felt so exhausted and was afraid to co-sleep with her and ask our midwife if I could lay her in her co-sleeper. She suggested 48 hrs of skin to skin contact to regulate her body temp and breathing. So she can get acclimated to world since what she was used to was so different. I really was worried at first I would be too tired to sleep so I was going to lay her in there but she never wanted to stop nursing. When she did I laid her in the co-sleeper once for about 10 mins. She was sleeping and I was happy to be able to lie on my side. I was never able to sleep in my bed right after a  cs because it would feel like my stomach was ripping open to even attempt to lay down flat. Using my stomach muscles this time was so different. They were sore but like I did a ton of sit ups nothing compares to a cs even with my tears. After about 10 minutes she wanted to nurse again and at this time Mike was already passed out from having a exhausting day. I woke him up to prop my pillows and get me some more juice. I turned the tv on and prepared myself to sleep propped sitting up so she could nurse all night. She nursed seriously almost non-stop, I just sat and stared at her and smelled her. I never had a gooey baby to smell right away. I always smelled my boys after they were already cleaned up. I don’t know if I will ever let her out of my sight for too long LOL

I really do look back and think ya know if I would have thought my labor wouldn’t be so soon I would have done things differently but I had no idea. I was preparing for a long labor since I was so late and everything took me longer during this pregnancy. I never wanted to be on my back but it felt so good when I was on my back I never wanted to push differently. I wish Mike could have fussed with the pool earlier but we didn’t think it was going to be soon so I never said ok fill the pool. I just labored like I was waiting for it to get worse. It never got so unbearable I couldn’t handle it. I did have back labor for a good 6 hrs I think. She went posterior and I could feel her hands on each side of my cs scar. That was the most intense part of the labor was the back pain. I think it would have been so unbearable had I not had my doula and mom there to rub my back during the contractions. I also wouldn’t have moved my hips and helped her move down like my doula said. The pool again looking back just didn’t work for me, I didn’t feel I was doing enough in the pool and the slipping really irritated me. All I wanted to do was keep pushing but I was worried about slipping and sitting on the baby if she started coming out LOL again unrealistic but things that pop in your head. Especially as crazy as I am LOL. I am so thankful to have been able to experience all this. Holding her right away was wonderful she was so slimy and my hand went right to her butt I seriously couldn’t believe how small it was because she felt huge in my belly!  Mike was able to catch her and he never expected that since we were fully planning a water birth. We never talked about what if we weren’t in the water. We just said if it doesn’t work for me we will move. I never ever wanted to be flat on my back in my bed. I know for me that was the position the hospital sticks you in, and I wanted nothing of that. However for me and this birth it worked and was a great pushing position. I never thought once I got in that position I need to move. It felt great to push and at that point I wasn’t even noticing contractions just the need to push. That surprised me for sure but that’s how she needed and wanted to come out I guess.

This pregnancy definitely pushed me and changed my thinking on so many things. I really hope woman all over can become empowered to birth the way they want. To trust birth and understand that not everything is or has to be the way the ob says. I always trusted myself, my husband, midwife and doula. I knew we could do it! I never expected it to be this way nor did I expect being so late or my water breaking so early and no labor.

 My water broke 55 hrs before labor started and once it did start she was out in 8 hrs after 1.5 hrs of pushing on March 8th.I think 8 is her lucky number!  Julianne is her name she has 3 loving big brothers and. She is amazing and healthier than any of my boys were. My midwife and doula said there was no way she could have been 3 weeks post dates and even though we calculated my due date by lmp and conception dates. We must have conceived in the beginning of June instead of when we thought in May. She was covered in vernix, wrinkly only on her hands and feet but perfect! I remember looking back knowing when I first took a pregnancy test it was the end of June and the first test was very unclear. I am a nut about taking pg tests and if there was a slight line I would take another. For about 2 weeks I took a test every 3 or so days until it was a darker line. I always found out early with my pregnancies accept my first. I knew I could only 6 weeks at that time but looking back I must have been a little less than that. I always watched my cycles and at the time I conceived I really was having a funky cycle. It seemed like I tried to ovulate 2 times in May and noticed some again the first week of June. I guess that is when I got pregnant with her. Even though I wasn’t really 43 weeks, in my mind at that time I was post date and it was so hard. If you are going through the same thing just know your body and baby know when the time is right. Some people would suggest a non-stress test but I didn’t have any of that. I just waited and she would check heart tones when she came. Nothing felt off so we kept waiting. I still feel as though I was post dates emotionally because of the stress it put me though.
I hope sharing my story will encourage other moms to stand up for youself and find a care provider to support you, and have the birth of your dreams! I know people go unassisted in childbirth but I don’t think I could have done that. If it wasn’t for midwife and doula who were amazing, I wouldn’t have gotten the birth of my dreams and I would have had a fourth c-section.

Thank you for listening and reading through this I know it has been super long. It seems that it has taken forever!
Thank you Cindy and Robin for everything! You two are amazing!
Janel-

I DID IT!
I had a homebirth after 3 c sections! You can too!





Story reposted with permission from Janel Hyland, original author. Janel is a mother of  4 and a VBA3C veteran.