Guest Post: "Our Cannot-Live-Withouts"

I asked mommas on Instagram to tell me what their day-to-day must haves are in their home...here I share Katia's response. What are some of the things you and your little ones simply can't be without on a daily basis? Email me at MommaFriendly@gmail.com to #ShareYourStory! -MommaFriendly

  Motherhood can be quite overwhelming. These days there are so many products out there that can make it even more challenging. You just never know what to expect. As a mom of two there are definitely things that I thought I would need with my first that I didn't care to use with my second. Every child is also different. What one child enjoyed may not be what another enjoys.

  These days I cant possibly function without three things:

-our carrier

-our stroller 

-lavender essential oil

  Our carrier and stroller are lifesavers. We have an Infantino sash meitai carrier. It can be used front, back and hip carry until 35lbs. At the time of purchase it was $30, and it has worked so well for us that I always recommend it. Considering Infantino's not so great carrier reputation this is a good option for parent who cant afford the fancy Baby Hawk meitai for example. Because of the carrier we didn't start using a stroller until recently. We were blessed with a Chicco lightweight aluminum stroller. Its is so easy to maneuver and our son is very comfortable in it. It holds children from 6 months until they reach 3 years old or 50lbs. As our son becomes heavier out carrier gets used for short trips or to help me get things done around the house. Our stroller especially because of the 3 year old gets used for longer family outings or family grocery trips because the 3 year old always wants the cart.

  Essential oils are miracle workers as is. Lavender really showed me the power of them. When we first were given lavender I was skeptical. Our 18 month old was about 15 months at the time and still not sleeping through the night. From the first night we used lavender he slept through the night. It is also so great for teething. To help with sleeping we apply 2 drops to the bottom of each foot before bedtime and put socks on him, and for teething we apply 2 drops to each cheek near the jaw line or area where the teething are cutting. We've also noticed that applying it to the forehead helps to relax even ourselves when we are on edge. 

  As a second time mom there are definitely things I can do without. I see so many pointless things being sold these days. Money goes to waste because you just never get around to using them. The pack and play being one of those. While functional for some moms  and their littles it never really worked for us past 3 months. My boys wanted to be all over the place from really young and hated being enclosed in that thing. I thought they would outgrow it, but it is still just a place to throw things into or make a clubhouse with. 

  While there are things I thought I needed and didn't use; there are also things I never thought I would use, but considered. I was the mom who judged the moms using the harness on their children. Mostly because they called them leashes and dragged their children around like puppies. My first may not have been as mischievous as my second is, but the second time around I am seriously wanting to get one. My 18 month old now is very sneaky. He disappears in

2.5 and won't respond to you calling him. He's already been lost once in a store while we were getting pictures taken. I looked away for one second literally just blinked, and he was gone. Thankfully, he was found safe and sound behind the dressing rooms playing with the mirrors, but it could have been bad. 

  When it comes down to baby items at this age or any age really my advice would be to keep it to a minimum. Buy things as you need them. Don't overwhelm yourself with items that your baby may not even like. Give yourself enough room to try things and see if baby adjusts to them enough to like them. 

My name is Katia, I am 23 years old, and a mom of two boys. The boys are 3 and 18 months. We currently live in the Orlando, FL area, but are from the state of Connecticut. We love it down here as it is so family oriented. Our days are spent swimming, playing at the park, or watching turtles at the pond. That's when we're not working of course. I created my blog as a way to cope with how overwhelmed I was having two under 2 years old. Its not based on anything except my real life, thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I brag about the good days and others I rant about a bad day. You can follow me on Instagram under @katiaxo__0601 or follow my blog.

Autism, ABA and Gentle Parenting

The first of (hopefully weekly) progress videos for Bu...

I probably won't be posting the weekly videos here unless they deal specifically with a parenting issue, so if you'd like to follow these updates, please join the All For Bu facebook page or subscribe to my YouTube channel.

This vlog is about how ABA (behavior therapy) conflicts with my gentle parenting instincts and how I'm struggling with that...I'd love some input from like-minded parents!



If you can't see the video posted above, you can watch it HERE on YouTube.

Also, if you aren't already, please follow @MommaFriendly on Instagram, where I'm posting about guest post contributions and other random daily tips and funnies as related to pregnancy and parenting.

Guest Post: "Now I'M The Mom"

I asked first time moms to share how this Mother's Day would be different for them...This was submitted by Rosy, momma to the Cuban Prince of Miami ;) When the Cuban Prince allows her some "me" time, you can find her on Pinterest.

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I’ve been a mom for less than 9 months and it’s been AWESOME! Obviously my son has taught me a lot like patience, giving up control and all that other typical stuff. 

The best way I can describe motherhood is that it is dirty. Yep. It’s awesome but also very dirty. I came to this realization on Sunday as I was sorting through my laundry. I used to have a very nice and neat closet where my clothes hung in categories and by color. Now I jump for joy when I find a shirt without a stain. My “clean” laundry has been sitting on top of my dresser for like, two weeks begging for someone to put them away and I finally did. And the reason I did is because we are going to Disney on Sunday and about two weeks ago I washed my Disney shirts (that I wore in January) and I needed to find them. I hung up what I could in no particular category or order I was just happy to see the top of my dresser (which is still covered in other crap but not a mountain of clothes). 

Anyways, at some point during my chore, I realized how fast my life has changed in less than a year and duh I wouldn’t change it for the world. I enjoy being dirty because yes, I spend the majority of my day covered in bodily fluids (usually not my own) but I see it as little sprinkles of love. My son has an awesome way of sprinkling me with love every chance he gets. His favorite way is to slobber all over his hand for about two to three minutes, then shove said hand in my mouth or down my shirt. Now I keep deodorant at my desk at work because I forget to put it on all the time and even though I can be stinky at home, my coworkers wouldn’t appreciate my odor as much as my son. 

Being a mom has also made me appreciate my own mom more, and yes, I do count on her for some advice but I typically use my new found mommy instinct. So this Mother’s Day is totally different because I am the mom now but I do try to celebrate being a mom every day with my little prince. I’ve been many things but being a mom is literally the best thing ever in life!

 

Rice Cereal...not the best choice!

It is popular opinion among older generations and many pediatricians alike that cereal, rice cereal in particular, is the ideal first food for babies.Mommas are advised to put it in the bottles of their 6 month old, 4 month old, even 2 week old babies(!) to help them sleep! Not only is that a choking hazard, but research shows that tummies that teeny aren't able to properly digest grains.

Here's a few more reasons why you might rethink rice cereal as the first food your baby experiences:

What was your childs first food? Was it well tolerated? Would you do anything different?

My two cents on the "Jenny McCarthy thing"

Because now THREE people have sent me the Jenny McCarthy article asking for my thoughts, here they are.

Jenny McCarthy is NOT why we don't vaccinate. The idea that I base my kids health choices on a "celebrity" is insulting.

The article is from 2010. Why anyone cares today is beyond me, but the article has popped up on my newsfeed 100000 times.

She posted the attached tweets today, so according to her, she never lied, which is why she never apologized.

Regardless of what her kid has or doesn't, she is the mother of an unwell child. Not one of us understands what it must be like to live with her child. I actually feel for her deeply, because I know what it's like to go from specialist to specialist to try to help your child. She's a mother who has been through hell trying to do what's best for her kid in hopeless circumstances. Why people are always so quick to judge and attack is beyond me.

Mad she speaks against vaccines? GOOD. Maybe it'll get YOU to do your own research and make an informed choice one way or the other. But don't deny her struggle and jump to discredit her experience just because you disagree with her.

So yeah. The first time I was sent the article, I didn't think anything of it. But the fact that THREE PEOPLE (none parents, oddly) thought I might like to comment on it has me a bit fired up and I thought I'd publicly share the two cents everyone is so interested in.

(The article in question, I'm mobile so I can't hyperlink: http://graneyandthepig.wordpress.com/2010/02/27/jenny-mccarthy-my-bad-turns-out-my-kid-doesnt-have-autism/)

Series on Nutritional Supplements for Toddlers

If you cannot see the video above, please click here to see it on YouTube.

This is not to be taken as medical advice, as I am not a medical professional. I am only sharing what I do with my family, and what we find works for us. Please share in the comments what your own experience has been with picky eating, due to sensory sensitivities or otherwise, and what you do to help overcome any "holes" in your child's nutrition.

Supplements for Toddlers?

I recently read an article about how a very popular children's vitamin (actually, the one I always took as a kid) is actually full of GMOs, aspartame, and a slew of other really nasty stuff that I wouldn't ever knowingly give my child. 

My son is a very picky eater (he only willingly eats fruits, veggies and cheese) so I worry about his protein and fat intake. Every morning, I make Bu "tremenda mezcla" ("a huge mixture" in Spanish, that's what my dad calls it) of stuff, but it works out for us and he loves it. I mix 1 fruit, 1 vegetable and 1 protein baby food/puree (all organic) with 2 teaspoons of Michaels Pediavites (a lemon flavored liquid multivitamin), 1 tablespoon of Blue Ice infused coconut oil (organic coconut oil that has fermented cod liver oil in it) and 1 teaspoon of Baby Bifidactyl Probiotics, with just enough water to make it all drinkable.

It always looks and smells NASTY, but Bu loves it and I know once he drinks that, he can eat any sort of baby snack or stuff off Daddy's (not usually health-focused) plate the rest of the day and I won't worry whatsoever because he got so much nutrition first thing in the morning.

Lately, I've started making him smoothies with frozen organic produce and experimenting with fat/proteins/grains. I find that not only have I saved money (DIY is much cheaper than 3 jars of baby food a day) but it justs feels nice that I know exactly what Bu is getting. The only real drawback is that he's a stickler for texture and even temperature (he likes his drinks room temperature! LOL), and flavor combos are sometimes not as successful as I foresee.

Do you give your babies/toddlers/kids any supplements? Why or why not?

Vaccinations...

Something to consider...there's "on schedule", "delayed schedule" and "non vax" parents, but everyone has to do their research and follow their instincts when it comes to vaccinating their children.

It's a hot topic, which is way I try (and I mean try, though I think it's usually obvious where I lean personally) to encourage parents to really research ingredients, possible side effects, etc before taking a course of action. The most important thing though is of you're not 100% certain where you stand, WAIT. You can always start vaccinating later but you can't take it back if you do it and then decide its not the best choice for your family.

I leave you with this graphic from the Facebook group "Educate before you Vaccinate"...believe it or don't, but hopefully it at least piques your curiosity enough to look into it for yourself :)

Some of the responses to WIO/CIO...

"I think it's about paying attention to what your kid needs that day/night. Like there are nights when my kid is sick and I'll do whatever it takes to get them to sleep...even if that means holding them up on my chest all night. Or if my son is feeling especially anxious or scared about something I will let him sleep in our bed. But there are times when absolutely nothing is wrong and all their needs have been met and maybe they're just overstimulated and need to be alone in their crib/bed and they will probably cry until they fall asleep. And that's actually what they need in that moment. And we mustn't neglect the needs of the mom and dad. Sometimes a parent desperately needs sleep so they can function properly and that might mean they have their kid CIO/sleep train. Or maybe a couple really needs their alone time so that means no co-sleeping. There's no way you can know every single family's needs/dynamic. People can't judge parents who CIO or cosleep or whatever they choose because you don't know what that family's needs are. And every mom knows their own baby best not some stranger or "sleep expert."' -KA

"I'm definitely against CIO. Babies and children need nurturing and by crying, they are showing that they are in need...Studies show that babies who have more physical touch with caretakers and who have not been left to CIO are more stable as they grow. Society today is in too much of a rush to push their children out of the nest so to say. And more 4 month old breastfed son does sleep through the night so a child's sleep pattern should be natural, not forced upon him by making him feel alone and helpless. However, parents who dont believe in crying it out, if at all for any reason they feel as if they might snap or get violent that then they should put the child down then. CIO is better than physically harming a child." - MVC

"We did CIO with our daughter at 6 mo. Well she would cry for like a minute and just fall asleep and now at 3 she sleeps perfect and there's nothing wrong with her. and my son is 18 mo and we didn't have to do it. We just let him sleep in her room and he must have took notes from her." -CG



What are your opinions on Waiting It Out (WIO) versus Crying It Out (CIO)? It's a controversial topic that divides a lot of parents, and even a lot of households, but I am curious to get a RESPECTFUL dialogue going about sleep training/teaching/coaching your child or waiting for them to settle into their own rhythm...

Guest Post: "Help Our Family Be Whole"

This post is one I feel strongly about, and I hope you will as well. The idea that so many families have to fight just to be recognized is heartbreaking. I asked Demi to write something for the blog in hopes that the readers of this site could offer support, if not monetarily then at least in spirit. Every family deserves to recognized and respected as such.
-Momma Friendly




Written by: Demi (biological mom)

We began our journey to second parent adoption to give our son, Tate, the safety net that is provided by having two legal parents. The process soon became more pressing as my parents become more and more pitted against my "lifestyle", believing that if anything were to happen to me they would raise Tate. Their plan is that they would still allow his mum, Alica (adoptive mom) to see him, but he would not live with her nor know her as his mum. 

 

This of course to us is a horrifying thought and already being not all financially well off we set up the donation page so that we could speed the process along. In our eyes he will always be our son equally, regardless of what people or papers say. Everyone that sees our family or comes in contact with us can see how much Alica has not only changed my life for the better, but loves Tate and I with her all. We ask that if you are a parent that you put yourself in our position. What if you needed a piece of paper to ensure that your child could not be taken away of something happened to your spouse? After you had raised, cared for, supported, and loved your child with all you had to give...It's not a good feeling and we don't believe anyone should ever have to feel this way. The fact that we have to take this step at all is insulting and we hope for all LGBT families that one day soon this will no longer be necessary. The love and support that we have received this far is inspiring. It lets me know that even though I may have lost my old family I have gained a new one along with a strong positive community with a kind and open-hearted support system. 

Thank you for taking the time to read and get a peek into what we are going through.

The link to our donation site is: http://www.gofundme.com/3s8tk8 

Anything and everything helps and is very much so appreciated. 

Sending love to you and yours, 

The Hobson family

Circumcision: opinions, facts, and a rebuttal.

I just ran across this article today, and I have to say it really fired me up. Every person is entitled to their opinion and every parent of a son has a choice to make regarding their foreskin. I firmly believe that like religion and all sorts of other things, there are certain choices that should be my son's and his alone, and I would be doing him a disservice by taking such choices away from him.

That being said, I feel that because a lot of controversy swirls around circumcision, so do a lot of misconceptions. So I wanted to break down the reasoning the author uses in her article FOR circumcision, and offer some alternative views. The original authors views are in italics.

"First and foremost, we knew we wanted it done for hygiene reasons. It's so much harder to keep that area clean if the procedure isn't performed -- and we believed it would leave him more prone to infection if he was not circumcised."

"In babies, the foreskin is completely fused to the head of the penis. The infant foreskin is perfectly designed to protect the head of the penis and keep feces out.  All you have to do is wipe the outside of the penis like a finger.  It is harder to keep circumcised baby's penis clean because you have to carefully clean around the wound, make sure no feces got into the wound, and apply ointment." - Psychology Today.

The foreskin retracts on its own throughout childhood, at which point the child should be taught to pull the skin back and wash like any other part of his body with water and mild soap.


"Second, and I really don't care how stupid or cliche this sounds, we didn't want him to get teased in the high school locker room because he was the only boy who hadn't been circumcised.......And there was no way I was going to let my kid be the dude with the weird looking penis."

 I think this is the part of the article that most burned me. Firstly, you're putting your child through a potentially dangerous procedure for the sake of fitting in. Secondly, at the rate circumcision is dropping in the country, it's a possibility that a circumcised male may be in the minority by the time the authors son is in high school. Lastly, and I feel most importantly, the last sentence in the paragraph is the kind of thinking that leads to bullying. The fact that she's even throwing out there that someone may have a "weird looking penis" and that it's reason to be potentially made fun of only teaches that "we should make fun of whoever looks different to us". Not the parenting style I personally adhere to.


"Lastly, we worried about how being uncircumcised might affect his sex life down the road......I know I'd want to hop out of bed and run if I saw all that extra skin staring back at me."

Once again, she closes the paragraph with a really judgmental-based-on-looks sentiment that really irks me and only perpetuates stigmatizing intact genitalia. Also, here's something to consider about your circumcised son's future sex life: a study in Belgium found that there is less sexual satisfaction and sensation in circumcised penises (so intact men have better sex, according to the study).  Yet another study shows, quote "circumcised men have more difficulties reaching orgasm, and their female partners experience more vaginal pains and an inferior sex life".  And lastly, here's a big one: "Researchers surveyed 300 men and found that circumcised fellas had a 4.5 times greater chance of suffering from ED than noncircumcised guys." That's Erectile Dysfunction, if you weren't sure.



So, again, every parent has to make their own choice regarding the topic of circumcision, but in case any of these misconceptions were your "deal breaker", maybe it's time to do some more researching and soul searching before committing to something permanent and irreversible for your child. I can see how it may not be an easy choice and there's definitely a lot to consider. I just couldn't believe the stuff the original author was throwing out as fact, so I felt like I NEEDED to do something showing that actually, all the reasons she used to make her choice were misconceptions at best, and that if any of those three things are something that weigh on your choice, that there's actually evidence to the contrary. Some people may still choose to do it for religious purposes, or so baby looks like Daddy, etc. I say as long as you really research extensively and you can come to a decision that sits well in your heart, then you've done your best as a parent and no one can ask more of you than that.

Thoughts on why you did or didn't choose to circumcise your son(s)?

Advice from home-schooling parents?

I know it's probably premature, seeing as my child is a year old, but I have been extensively researching homeschooling and I feel that it might be the right choice for my family.

My husband is about 60% convinced...he's concerned that our son (and any future children) might be socially crippled by homeschooling them...I have the same concern, but hope to keep them involved in sports or dance teams, etc so they can socialize with children that have similar interests. Ideally, we could have some sort of homeschooling co-op situation, where we form a group with other homeschooling families and occasionally learn together so they can meet and make friends with other homeschoolers. There are 2 problems with that, however...in the city of Miami, homeschooling seems to be at a minimum. The second issue is that most homeschoolers (from what I've seen in my research, perhaps I'm mistaken) seem to teach from a religious standpoint/curriculum, and we are raising our children nondenominationally.

I'd love to hear from any homeschooling parents about learning resources, socializing your homeschooled children, and just about your experience in general. Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated! I know it's early, but this is a big decision and I want to be certain I'm making the right choice for my child(ren).